Virgins Are Reality TV’s Latest Darlings. Their Reasons for Abstaining Are Complicated

Author and screenwriter Sai Marie Johnson has written about being voluntarily celibate since 2020. She tells WIRED that the determination came aft being married, having children, and experiencing toxic relationships with men. She and Ida some place arsenic enactment positive, meaning they don’t presumption having enactment arsenic shameful, but are wary of however men tin weaponize enactment and relationships against them.

“Our clime close present has allowed men to beryllium emboldened successful their signifier of misogyny,” Johnson says, highlighting reproductive coercion (the quality for men to power women’s reproductive decisions) done the inability to entree termination arsenic a cardinal crushed that women are turning to voluntary celibacy. “Conservatism is trying to foster a much puritan nine aft we had done each this to propulsion enactment positivity for the past decade.”

“I deliberation it besides has to bash with mothers similar me, who’ve been done these things, going to our daughters and going, ‘Look, this is what my ma didn’t thatch me,’” Johnson continues, adding that her 23-year-old girl is simply a virgin. “You don’t person to beryllium the puritan trad wife. You tin beryllium connected OnlyFans if that’s what you want. The occupation is that men automatically presume that each azygous accidental to link with a pistillate means they’re going to get to person sex.”

But the other besides appears to beryllium true.

As the contestants connected Are You My First? research immoderate of these dynamics with each other, it becomes evident that immoderate of the men aren’t arsenic comfy pursuing women, adjacent erstwhile the women are enthusiastic astir it. On nighttime one, Rachael, the pistillate with vaginismus, makes it wide to Michael, a stand-up comedian, that she’s interested. He reciprocates—but reveals successful a confessional that helium is inactive moving done a fearfulness of intimacy.

It’s ironic that radical similar Michael who are fearful of enactment are present encouraged to enactment done that fearfulness publicly, connected television, successful highly manipulated societal experiments. That contradiction whitethorn beryllium different basal origin of what mean Gen Zers are experiencing—a propulsion to stock much of themselves with the net astir however they’re sharing little of themselves physically.

“There are a batch of different taste reasons that young radical are not having enactment that don’t truly correlate astatine each to blimpish authorities oregon religion oregon a deficiency of consciousness astir sexuality,” says Magdalene Taylor, a sexual civilization critic and exertion astatine Playboy. “I deliberation a batch of young radical are trading these accustomed markers of adulthood for a much digitized life. We’re having less in-person societal interactions, and enactment is simply a earthy portion of that.”

After Ida’s TikToks astir virginity blew up, she posted astir receiving a DM from a idiosyncratic progressive successful world TV accumulation casting. She says she can’t stock specifics, but connected Sunday, the time earlier Are You My First? premiered, Ida says, she participated successful the filming of a aviator episode. The caller bid isn’t a competition, she adds. It would supply much idiosyncratic discourse astir her journey.

“My mom, virtually each week she calls me, she goes, ‘Are you done embarrassing yourself connected the internet?’” Ida says. “With TikTok and world TV, if you person the accidental to speech astir your enactment beingness oregon deficiency thereof and person it beryllium the crushed you possibly person a career, wherefore wouldn’t you bash it?”