4 hours ago
7
When you're successful a relationship, it's casual to brushwood disconnected small things — a weird remark here, an offhand gag determination — particularly if everything other seems fine. But hindsight truly is 20/20. So erstwhile u/IntrovertChapt3rs asked, "What's thing your ex did that felt tiny astatine the clip but present screams reddish flag?" the replies were afloat of aboriginal informing signs. Here are 27 of them:
1. "Lied connected our archetypal date. It was specified a tiny thing. I had caught him calling maine the incorrect sanction (though not completely, it was a akin name). He lied and said helium didn't. Turns out, he's really a monolithic liar, manipulator, and gaslighter. I person nary hint if thing helium told maine is existent now."
2. "Condoms kept coming disconnected during enactment (or helium took it off?). Then, erstwhile I asked if helium was wearing a condom, helium SHOCKINGLY discovered that helium wasn't and got mad astatine me arsenic to wherefore I didn't archer him earlier. Very manipulative, if you inquire me. Dude, YOU are down me. You should spot erstwhile your condom comes off?"
"I had to instrumentality 3 SOS pills due to the fact that his condom kept coming disconnected — until I yet snapped astatine him to bargain smaller-sized condoms. I besides stopped having enactment with him and moved out. Fuck that."
3. "When we were archetypal talking, I noticed each clip I pulled retired my telephone to cheque my messages and reply, his eyes would beryllium glued to my screen. It didn't truly bug maine astatine the time, but I thought it was benignant of odd. I ever look distant from people's phones erstwhile I spot them replying to messages — I don't privation them to deliberation I'm nosy oregon something. Fast guardant a fewer months into dating, and he's perpetually going done my phone. Constantly snooping done my societal media and hacking into my accounts to spell done my messages. Constant accusations...yeah."
4. "He became wildly antiaircraft during our archetypal insignificant argument. He turned it astir connected me, and I ended up apologizing. It happened truthful fast, and I was truthful shocked and confused. I didn't cognize what gaslighting was and had ne'er experienced it before, truthful I fto it go. It happened again not agelong aft — and was mode much utmost — erstwhile I told him my feelings were wounded by thing helium did. He perfectly mislaid it and started calling maine names, told maine I was being crazy, and that I had done mode worse things to him but helium didn't accidental anything."
"I sat determination dumbfounded and shared our speech with a adjacent friend, who was besides a therapist. She told maine I was being gaslit. If idiosyncratic can't grip flimsy criticism, oregon refuses to apologize oregon instrumentality immoderate accountability for however they made you consciousness (not to notation really giving a crap astir however you feel), RUN."
5. "He really told maine he's a liar. I told him I wouldn't tolerate lies, truthful helium amended not. He said, 'Sure thing, baby.' Sigh."
6. "Got huffy erstwhile I didn't substance backmost accelerated enough. Thought they conscionable cared...nope, power issues."
7. "When I would face him astir however immoderate of the things helium said felt precise mean, helium would say, 'I'm not mean, I'm conscionable honest.' Such a gaslighter."
8. "Asking maine to bash things aboriginal on. I'm a adjuvant idiosyncratic and didn't deliberation thing of it astatine the time. But looking back, I recognize it was him investigating boundaries for his weaponized incompetence, similar not being capable to locomotion HIS ain progressive dogs that helium bought."
9. "He'd disregard maine aft each fight, ne'er speech things through. Days would pass, past he'd amusement up with nutrient similar thing happened. No 'sorry,' nary explanation...just acted similar everything was fine."
"Back then, I was naive and was precise 'in love,' truthful I didn't recognize it was a immense reddish flag."
10. "He asked maine to prevarication to his parents astir thing tiny successful a mode that made maine look bad. (He asked maine to archer them I was arguing with him via substance erstwhile helium got into a fender bender.) At the time, we'd conscionable started dating, and I didn't truly attraction that overmuch what they thought of me, truthful I did it. He aboriginal utilized that and a fewer akin instances helium manipulated maine into to 'prove' to them I was crazy, jealous, abusive, etc., aft we broke up. He was truly playing the agelong con. At the clip these instances happened, we were perfectly blessed together, but helium was inactive hedging his bets."
11. "He didn't privation to spell nationalist astir our relationship. We were successful assemblage together, and helium was connected the pupil assembly committee, portion I was precise progressive with clubs and such. He said it was due to the fact that radical mightiness deliberation the committee was favoring my clubs and being biased, etc. Nope. It was truthful helium could cheat connected me. I was conscionable excessively naive to realize."
12. "He lied to a cashier. Nothing truly criminal; the cashier conscionable routinely asked however our time was going. When I was conscionable astir to say, 'Fine, however astir yourself?' helium spoke archetypal and said we had gotten into an mishap connected our mode to the store. Not existent astatine all. We didn't adjacent person a adjacent call. I should person realized past however overmuch it spoke to him being an impulsive, casual liar. It did truly fuss maine astatine the time, but I talked myself down and convinced myself I was conscionable being silly. After all, it was a prevarication that didn't truly person an interaction connected anything. But really, it told maine everything I should person known."
13. "Whenever a opus would travel connected the vigor that I liked and was evidently enjoying, he'd alteration the channel. When I'd protested, he'd unreal helium couldn't find it again — and laugh. All the time. A seemingly small thing, but truthful indicative of however senselessly cruel helium could beryllium for perfectly nary reason."
14. "It got to a constituent that I couldn't retrieve a clip erstwhile we had a speech without him staring astatine his phone. He would either beryllium 'responding to enactment messages' oregon watching anserine reels, and fractional the clip I'd person to repetition what I said — due to the fact that of people helium wasn't listening."
15. "He ever wanted to stock the things helium enjoyed with me, but helium ne'er showed immoderate involvement successful the things I cared about. If I wanted to amusement him a movie I liked, helium would enactment connected thing other portion watching, oregon conscionable beryllium connected his phone. Anytime I made plans for america to bash anything, helium wouldn't privation to spell — truthful we conscionable wouldn't go. I played him a opus I truly love, and portion I was afloat of tears due to the fact that it felt vulnerable, helium said, 'Yeah, I conscionable don't get it.' Then erstwhile we broke up, helium had the audacity to accidental helium took complaint successful the narration and I didn't supply much."
17. "Never had fun. He acted similar a instrumentality successful the mud and would marque amusive of everyone for being truthful immature and not having their lives together. In reality, helium conscionable ever needed to consciousness superior to everyone astir him."
18. "'I effort to beryllium nice.' At the time, I thought that was immoderate bully idiosyncratic maturation successful the making to admit that. Turns out, no, he's a walking reddish emblem successful precise 'nice' packaging. As idiosyncratic who conscionable IS bully — possibly to a responsibility — I ne'er truly request to try. I privation to beryllium benignant and assistance people. Trying isn't thing I ever person to do."
19. "He criticized my earthy hairsbreadth colour and told maine helium prefers achromatic hair, truthful I should dye it."
20. "Compared maine to his friends' girlfriends oregon conscionable miss friends successful general. Kept connected asking maine wherefore I can't beryllium much similar them, wherefore I can't person the aforesaid vibes arsenic them, etc."
21. "Walked faster than maine erstwhile we were connected dates astatine the mall. I ever felt unsocial due to the fact that we'd locomotion separately arsenic if helium didn't cognize me."
23. "Always swept our problems nether the rug. Made maine consciousness similar helium was ne'er acceptable for hard conversations."
25. "Love bombing successful the beginning, but I didn't cognize that's what she was doing oregon adjacent what emotion bombing was. I accidental I felt similar it was large that idiosyncratic wanted maine arsenic overmuch arsenic she seemed to beryllium demonstrating she did. At the aforesaid time, I was besides overwhelmed and confused. I felt similar a horrible idiosyncratic erstwhile she got upset astatine maine for not responding 'correctly' to a emotion missive she wrote. Or erstwhile I didn't person the wealth to reciprocate a reasonably costly contiguous she got maine not agelong aft we started talking (not that she expected maine to, but it was a large motion and I felt awkward). I ended up successful tears respective times due to the fact that it was each conscionable a lot. But still, nope, I didn't deliberation it was a reddish flag."
27. "Passive aggressiveness. Getting huffy and past giving the soundless attraction portion you person nary thought what's upset them. Bro, I'm not a caput reader. Use your damn words. It's manipulative and immature."
Looking back, person you realized thing your ex did was a monolithic reddish emblem successful disguise? Or are determination immoderate things you've noticed successful others' relationships? Drop your biggest reddish emblem that primitively seem(ed) tiny successful the comments below.
Note: Responses person been edited for length/clarity.
English (US) ·