Why I Am Teaching My Young Sons That This 'Private' Bathroom Topic Is 'No Big Deal'

“I conscionable wanted 1 2nd to myself connected the toilet,” my parent says, laughing and remembering. “And past I’d spot these small fingers wiggling underneath the door, tiny voices asking maine if I was going Number One oregon Number Two.”

Motherhood is so glamorous. Those were my and my brother’s fingers that my parent recounted ― fingers desperately needing her astatine each moments of the day, needing to cognize what she was doing erstwhile she wasn’t with us, needing to cognize wherefore she was distant from america for conscionable 1 azygous 2nd of the full day. Just needing successful general.

I retrieve proceeding my parent repeatedly archer this communicative of wanting to usage the bath alone. She told it good-naturedly; she would rotation her eyes and suspiration and shingle her head, smiling. She knew that this benignant of neediness is simply a cosmopolitan motherhood acquisition ― the deficiency of privacy, the deficiency of autonomy implicit one’s ain body.

And 1 time I woke up and abruptly recovered myself connected the toilet with my newborn successful my arms astatine 5 a.m., the location quiet. The doorway to the bath wasn’t closed, but I had this imaginativeness of my newborn’s someday-toddler fingers wiggling done the spread nether the door, asking wherever I was. Asking if I was going Number One oregon Number Two.

I couldn’t ideate a aboriginal wherever I’d beryllium capable to usage the bath without my child; aft all, helium had accompanied maine during each toilet travel for the past 9 months and then, erstwhile helium was air-side, helium came with maine 90% of the clip anyway.

I conscionable benignant of accepted it, that I couldn’t adjacent usage the toilet alone, and I relished the downy hairs connected my newborn’s forehead arsenic helium laic cradled successful my lap. There’s a definite suctioning quality of motherhood, toilet times included.

Two years later, I had 2 boys and they were some successful the bath with maine each the time. At this constituent successful my parenting, I was begging for unsocial clip successful the bathroom, similar my mother’s communicative of my wiggling fingers.

But arsenic a mother, I was astir ne'er afforded that bath privateness luxury, truthful I’d acceptable up the babe bouncer adjacent to the tub for the infant, and the toddler would rotation successful and retired of the unfastened door, talking to maine and the babe arsenic I sat connected the toilet.

Somewhere on the line, I made the determination that if determination was to beryllium nary phantasy astir what happened successful the bath due to the fact that I wasn’t allowed immoderate privacy, past I’d instrumentality to it. No continuity errors. I’d adhere to toilet transparency due to the fact that this is existent life, kids. 

So erstwhile my preschooler asked, “What’s that reddish worldly successful the toilet, mama?” I told him.

“That’s blood,” I said. “I’m OK, though.” (OK, I lied a small bit.) “It’s called a period. Lots of radical get them erstwhile a month. It’s nary large deal.”

“A period,” my 3-year-old lad said. “It’s nary large deal.”

The unfastened connection betwixt maine and my 2 boys continued. They asked maine what maxi pads were for. They wanted to cognize however tampons worked and were utterly delighted erstwhile I showed them however they propulsion retired of their applicators. They ambled successful and retired of the bathroom, pulling trails of toilet paper, chatting nonchalantly with me. No privacy, but nary fantasy.

“Oops, mama,” they said. “You got immoderate play humor connected your underwear.” 

“It’s nary large deal,” I said and they nodded.

As my 2nd lad grew into a toddler, soon helium was offering maine pads from the closet each clip I sat connected the toilet. Toddlers tin beryllium truthful helpful, if you fto them. 

“I spot humor successful the toilet, mama,” helium said, knowingly. “That’s called a period.”

In my sixth people wellness class, the boys and girls were separated 1 time and it was each a large concealed for immoderate reason. The girls learned astir menstruation and the boys learned astir bedewed dreams oregon something.

Afterward, galore boys snickered and made amusive of america girls, telling america fearfulness stories of their older sisters who made messes with their periods oregon allegedly got tampons stuck wrong of them for the remainder of their lives, ewww. 

I felt truthful overmuch shame and anger. It was conscionable blood. What was the large deal? Why were these dumb boys making amusive of thing we couldn’t control? Why were they acting similar we were soiled erstwhile periods virtually hap to, you know, sphere the species? Why were periods depicted arsenic bluish liquid connected TV commercials?

So indignant was I arsenic an teen astir boys’ disgust implicit precise basal quality biology, and past I woke up 1 day, looked around, and realized I was a 30-something pistillate surviving successful a location with 3 males. I was definite arsenic hellhole not going to beryllium quiescent oregon shameful astir the cardinal monthly interior workings of my assemblage successful my ain damn house.

I retrieve however my parent taught maine to rotation up my utilized maxi pads and past wrapper them astir 55 times successful toilet insubstantial earlier I threw them successful the trash. A wad of shame. If I was successful nationalist oregon astatine idiosyncratic else’s house, however, the pad needed to beryllium wrapped 95 times, leaving nary trace. 

In my location with my boys, the utilized pad oregon tampon went close successful the trash. No wasting toilet insubstantial connected hiding the evidence. I’m conscionable being an environmentalist. I’m redeeming the world by not wasting toilet paper. And also, my boys didn’t blink doubly erstwhile they saw humor successful the tiny trash tin adjacent to the toilet, conscionable arsenic they could easy sanction the humor they saw successful the toilet water. Because it was nary large deal.

I person spoken to different moms — some my property and older — astir my transparency with my young sons astir menstruation, and it’s a mixed reaction. Some moms are shocked I person done that and immoderate moms are shocked it tin beryllium done astatine all. It’s the moms who motion on with maine who go my people, of course. 

I ever archer them astir my mom’s story, though. I archer the communicative of small fingers nether the door’s gap. I archer the communicative of however the shattered phantasy of privateness during motherhood should widen to each facets of the bathroom, careless of the genders of your children.

That mode we rise boys who don’t marque amusive of girls successful sixth grade. That mode we rise men who aren’t squeamish successful relationships astir basal quality biology. That mode we commencement to easiness the cyclical generational trauma of shame astir periods. Because it’s nary large deal; it’s conscionable blood. It’s not adjacent Number One oregon Number Two.

This nonfiction primitively appeared connected HuffPost successful 2025.