This Man's Fiancé Didn't Tell Him About Her Horrible Credit, Now He's Not Sure If They Should Get Married

Gather 'round everyone, it's clip to dive into my favourite country of the internet, the subreddit called Am I the Asshole? This is wherever Reddit users archer the net astir situations they're successful and inquire if they're the asshole for however they handled it.

Today's installment involves relationships and money. This communicative comes from a antheral who described himself arsenic middle-aged. He said, "I americium expected to beryllium getting joined successful a fewer months to my fiancé. We've been unneurotic for 3 years, engaged for one, and for astir of that time, I genuinely believed we were connected the aforesaid leafage astir beingness values and, astir importantly, honesty."

"About a period ago, portion we were discussing wedding costs, I brought up a prenup. Not successful a acold oregon controlling way, I conscionable wanted to support the beingness I’ve worked hard to build. I was upfront that I’d inactive beryllium just and the statement wouldn’t permission her with nothing. I expected an big conversation. Instead, she instantly got defensive."

"She said things like, 'So you’re already readying for a divorce?' and 'I thought we trusted each other.' I tried to explicate it wasn’t astir trust, it was astir transparency and communal protection. But she unopen it down completely. That’s erstwhile reddish flags started popping up. She became evasive each clip wealth came up, and I started noticing weird things similar recognition paper offers successful the mail, a fewer missed payments connected shared expenses she said she'd cover, and tons of 'I'll grip it later' energy."

"So, I asked straight if she had debt. She admitted it. $92,000 successful recognition paper debt. Not pupil loans, not a mortgage, recognition cards. She said it accumulated implicit the years from unexpected expenses and a fewer dumb splurges, but she ne'er told maine astir immoderate of it until I forced the issue. I was stunned. We’re astir to merge lives. This pistillate was astir to legally go my spouse, and she didn’t deliberation I deserved to cognize she was six figures successful the red?"

"I told her this made the prenup non-negotiable for me. I request to support myself not conscionable emotionally, but financially. I told her I was consenting to inactive determination forward, but not without thing successful penning that protects my premarital assets. She mislaid it and called maine selfish. She said I was turning emotion into a concern deal, and said my location and wealth should beryllium hers excessively if we’re genuinely a team."

"I'm astir definite that she could wage her debts since she is simply a portion spouse successful her friend's concern but she conscionable refuses to. AITAH for reasoning astir walking away?"

A LOT of radical responded with a resounding NO. "$5,000 oregon $10,000 is simply a fewer dumb splurges, I can't statesman to fathom $92,000 successful recognition paper debt. Not the asshole. You dodged a bullet. She would person destroyed you," said idiosyncratic Individual-Spot2700.

"The statement that a prenup is 'planning for divorce' is ridiculous because, while, yes, that's virtually true, if you don't deliberation you'll ever get divorced, past it won't ever request to beryllium utilized anyway, truthful conscionable motion it and hide it," said idiosyncratic meg_em.

"I don’t deliberation the prenup would mean helium wouldn’t person worked connected her indebtedness with her, but the outright lying astir it, refusing to code it, and huffing astir it conscionable shows she isn’t mature capable to beryllium successful a marriage," said idiosyncratic DDRaptors.

"If your spouse can’t person an unfastened and honorable speech astir finances astatine the opening of your marriage, however are you going to enactment unneurotic done each the different uncomfortable and superior things that travel up successful a lifetime?" said idiosyncratic TheUnculturedSwan.

"Like, astatine a definite constituent you’re going to person to person frank talks astir wellness needs and decease planning, and I can’t ideate doing that with idiosyncratic this avoidant and immature!"

"There are perfectly much skeletons successful her closet," idiosyncratic ExcellentCold7354 declared.

"Not the asshole. Sorry you had to spell done this, it was not a wasted 3 years. You person learned a invaluable lesson. I would person done the nonstop aforesaid thing!" said idiosyncratic StrikingSecretary121.

Many radical shared their idiosyncratic experiences, similar idiosyncratic ScullysMom77. "I had this speech with my spouse anterior to marriage. It was truly important to me, and precise casual to beryllium fair. The archetypal signifier was fiscal disclosure, which I realized aboriginal is not thing everyone does earlier marriage. Just seeing everything connected paper, and knowing what debts and assets each of you brings in, tells you a batch astir each other."

"We did fundamentally what the archetypal poster was asking for. Whatever indebtedness and assets we had anterior to matrimony were ours alone, and we were precise equitable astir however aboriginal marital assets would beryllium divided. We signed it, stuck it successful a record cabinet, and haven't talked astir it since."

"My ex had hidden indebtedness erstwhile we married, and I had to assistance wage it off. I deliberation prenups, on with a afloat recognition report, salaries, and 401k for location labour disparities and pregnancy/childbirth, should beryllium mandatory earlier marriage," said idiosyncratic Naive-Stable-3581.

"I deliberation a batch of radical could beryllium saved from atrocious marriages if they were mandatory. Marriage is the lone concern declaration that profoundly affects your quality to past and earn, yet owed diligence is actively discouraged. If you were merging 2 companies, these would beryllium bare minimum requirements."

"Not the asshole astatine all. My spouse and I some person a coagulated chunk of debt. We some kept it nether wraps for possibly the archetypal 4 to six months of the relationship, but past dilatory started discussing it erstwhile we saw our narration heading determination serious. Hiding it wholly for 3 years is insane, and I get the feeling that she was hoping that erstwhile you got married, she could unit your manus into helping her wage it off. You dodged a immense bullet," said idiosyncratic lisafightsbutchers.

Quite a fewer radical felt similar the archetypal poster's fiancé was utilizing him, similar idiosyncratic strawhatpirate91. "She decidedly saw him arsenic an ATM and a summons to wide her debt. If she truly loved him, she’d privation to support him, too, not usage him for his money. This is screaming reddish flags."

"Not the asshole. I’m gladsome you recovered retired earlier you got married, and I’m much gladsome you didn’t propulsion connected purely due to the fact that you emotion her. She intelligibly showed you she cannot beryllium trusted and finds nary responsibility successful lying to you. All she was really wanting was for you to beryllium liable for her debts and for her to get her hands connected your savings truthful she could support spending," idiosyncratic Sweet-Interview5620 said.

"Without respect, trust, and love, determination tin beryllium nary marriage, arsenic hard arsenic it is, she couldn’t person loved you if she was blessed to prevarication and trap you with her debt. I’m conscionable gladsome you brought up the prenup oregon you mightiness ne'er person discovered the truth."

"If she genuinely loved him, she would person worked done it with him, taken accountability, and signed the prenup, yet increasing from the experience. She chose not to grow, and that's not love," idiosyncratic No-Bet1288 asserted.

What bash you think, is helium incorrect to see calling disconnected the wedding? Let america cognize successful the comments.

Responses person been edited for length/clarity.