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6. "My ma had friends over, 1 of whom was the parent of a miss I utilized to cognize backmost successful the day. Nice person, wasn't truly my type, but we were casually friends. Anyway, my ma introduced so-and-so's ma and past proceeded to archer her that I spent my teenage years saying however her girl was, nonstop quote, 'the cutest miss I'd ever seen.'"
"I swear: she wasn't my type, and adjacent if she was, I wasn't telling my ma what girls I had a crush connected erstwhile I was a teenager. And I didn't privation to beryllium a dick, each like, 'YOUR DAUGHTER WAS UGLY, AND I NEVER LIKED HER,' but present this random miss thinks I was madly successful emotion with her due to the fact that my ma decided to randomly prevarication successful beforehand of her friends."
15. "Me, I ruined Christmas. I was invited to a beauteous meal by my brag with his extended family. I was promoted to manager astatine his institution wrong the past month. The concern was precise tiny (five employees), and helium learned that I would beryllium spending Christmas unsocial and didn’t privation that to happen, truthful helium invited me. Everything went amazingly well, adjacent though I was nervous...until the end."
"I didn’t portion thing owed to medications, yet I inactive managed to vomit profusely each implicit his car erstwhile helium was giving maine a thrust home.I deliberation the origin was astir apt question sickness; I unrecorded successful a ample metropolis and haven’t needed to beryllium successful a car for a precise agelong time, which was the archetypal clip successful astir a year.
I was trying to unfastened the car's doorway oregon window, but figured they were some apt safety-locked, arsenic helium had precocious had a baby.
I offered to person the car cleaned, and helium said, 'No worries, I'm much disquieted if you are okay.' Seriously lucked retired with champion brag ever."
18. "It was my mother-in-law, aforesaid arsenic each year, and her insistence connected pursuing each contented to the letter, arsenic good arsenic cooking astir 18 courses from scratch, to person 'the cleanable Christmas.' Everyone has to commencement moving aboriginal Christmas Eve to prep, and it conscionable doesn't stop. It means the full household is stressed retired and miserable the full time. Every fucking year, we entertain this bullshit. She doesn't adjacent bask it. What a waste."
"Oh, and that's for Boxing Day, truthful much radical are coming the adjacent day, and we get to bash it each again."
21. "I ruined Christmas. I went to my partner's Christmas gathering for the archetypal time. I'm an migrant with a precise antithetic taste background, but they were each precise affable and welcoming. They suggested playing bingo, but with nary money, which sounded bully to me. Then the household matriarch wanted successful and wanted everyone to bash 50 cents a card. Eh, okay, whatever. I didn't privation to play with money, but it was excessively awkward to accidental no."
"I did bully and bad. Started with $10, but earlier the last card, I deed astir $5. All good. Then, they wanted to bash a afloat blackout crippled with $2 a card. I was trying to beryllium polite and lone play 1 card, but the patriarch was sitting adjacent to maine and told maine to bash 2 cards, truthful I did 2 cards. I was 1 spot from winning, and helium picked up my paper and cleared disconnected my markers. It was awkward arsenic hell.
They called my past spot aft that, and I won the full prize, astir $60. There were precise intelligibly immoderate sore losers, and it was ace awkward for the remainder of Christmas."
24. "I drove 12 hours to get 'home' to my dad’s house, staying 5 days due to the fact that helium ever guilted maine for ne'er staying much than 2 nights. I’m divorced, with grown kids (that were coming successful later), truthful it was conscionable maine and him for the archetypal 3 days. The archetypal day, helium told maine astatine noon that helium was leaving astatine 1:30 due to the fact that helium had plans with his woman friend. He invited maine to meal astatine her house, but told maine helium was spending the nighttime there. I declined the meal and planned to person a solo time successful my hometown. Annoying that helium ditched me, but whatever."
"I spent my time moving errands, came backmost to his spot early, ordered my favourite section takeout, and wrapped presents until I fell dormant connected the couch.
THIS MFer…at 5:30 a.m., helium got the feeling that 'something wasn't right,' and checked the location thermostat app connected his phone. He saw the temp was acceptable astatine an egregious 71°. Knowing helium acceptable it to 68°, helium was SURE I had fallen dormant upstairs and had near the state logs on, and the location was astir to pain down with maine successful it.
So, helium did what immoderate 72-year-old would bash with a 45-year-old lad staying astatine his place…THE MAN CAME HOME, JERKED ME OUT OF MY SLEEP ON THE COUCH, AND RIPPED ME A NEW ASSHOLE. I’m talking veins successful the cervix bulging, spittle flying portion helium yelled. For 3°!?!? He past spent FIVE HOURS questioning maine connected everything astir my career, idiosyncratic life, intelligence health, etc, genuinely riding my ass.
So yeah, astir apt the past Christmas I ever 'come home' for."
English (US) ·