"Replaying Fake Arguments In Your Head So You’re 'Ready' If They Ever Happen": People Are Sharing The "Harmless" Habits That Are Actually Really Toxic, And My Mental Health Is Thanking Them

It's hard to interruption habits, and that's particularly existent erstwhile we consciousness similar the habits we've adopted are harmless. Unfortunately, that's not ever the case. What appears to beryllium innocuous tin yet messiness with our intelligence wellness much than we realize.

From letting toxic family drama descent due to the fact that "they're family" to overapologizing, these habits tin sneak nether the radar and permission america feeling drained, stuck, oregon conscionable plain unhappy.

According to scientist Wendy Wood, habits are a learning mechanics that wires our encephalon successful a mode of repetition and reward.

"All we person to bash is repetition thing and get rewarded for it, and we’re learning a habit," Wood told Behavioral Science. "In probe that I’ve done, we find that astir 43 percent of what radical bash each time is repeated successful the aforesaid context, usually portion they are reasoning astir thing else. They’re automatically responding without truly making decisions. And that’s what a wont is. A wont is simply a benignant of a intelligence shortcut to repetition what we did successful the past that worked for america and got america immoderate reward."

Wendy Wood's punctuation truly stood retired to me, particularly aft diving into this caller station successful the r/AskReddit sub that asked, "What’s a 'harmless' wont that’s really truly toxic?" Some of the responses dove into the interaction of capitalism that forces america to prioritize our productivity oregon rest, portion others dealt with internalizing their issues to debar confrontation oregon friction. Here's what radical had to say:

Note: These submissions person been edited for clarity.

1. "Letting household get distant with being shitty conscionable 'because they’re family.' Not truly a habit, I guess, but my beingness is truthful overmuch amended having chopped the toxic ones out."

2. "Not lasting up to radical oregon letting things descent erstwhile they fuss you."

3. "Today, I stood up for idiosyncratic aft mounting a extremity for myself that I don't privation to beryllium a bystander anymore erstwhile maltreatment happens."

4. "Not getting capable sleep. Not encouraging others to get capable sleep."

6. "Thinking determination is thing incorrect with asking for assistance and that you are little for it. This applies to everything from enactment to idiosyncratic issues. I’m Gen X, and we got independency shoved down our throats hard. I really got successful occupation for refusing assistance astatine enactment the different day."

7. "Avoiding the hard conversations due to the fact that you don’t 'like confrontation' and villainizing the different idiosyncratic for 'being confrontational.'"

–u/CaptainChristiaan

8. "I'm successful the wont of saying atrocious adjacent erstwhile I'm not astatine fault. Did you bash thing incorrect to me? Oops! I'm sorry!"

9. "Replaying fake arguments successful your caput truthful you’re 'ready' if they ever happen. Feels harmless, but it keeps you stuck successful combat mode with radical who aren’t adjacent there."

10. "Sweeping problems nether the rug to support the peace."

–u/majesticSkyZombie

"I person nary thought however to halt doing this. My full life, if I effort to talk straight connected a problem, I get enactment successful my spot truthful harshly that radical marque it wide I ne'er should person said thing successful the archetypal place, truthful I've learned to conscionable clam up and fume silently.

"It's not conscionable parents oregon household oregon friends oregon partners oregon coworkers, it's everyone, truthful I presume my existent occupation is maine wanting things, the changes I privation conscionable indispensable marque no  sense, truthful there's nary constituent successful bringing them up anymore

After a while, you conscionable benignant of get to this spot wherever you cognize you privation things to beryllium different, but you're not truly definite how, truthful it makes it easier to enactment quiescent due to the fact that you've got nary acceptable solution."

–u/StickOnReddit

11. "People who person an upset code often but won't fto their spouse cognize what’s up. Talked to my buddy astir this recently, and the code is wildly exhausting if you unrecorded with your partner. It stifles the house, makes idiosyncratic conjecture wherefore you’re upset, and overall, these radical look to deficiency immoderate EQ. A code tin look harmless, but erstwhile they person a code for days connected extremity and retreat themselves, they’re miserable partners."

–u/klynnyroberts

12. "Being relaxed astir each kinds of (lack of) privateness due to the fact that 'I person thing to hide'. You unfastened truthful galore doors by giving excessively overmuch info."

13. "Having a radical punching bag, wherever everyone perpetually pokes amusive astatine the aforesaid person."

14. "Self-deprecating humor. I was told by a therapist erstwhile I was going done a play of slump to debar it due to the fact that 'you cognize it's a joke, but you're encephalon does not.' So it's conscionable adding to the antagonistic self-talk your encephalon is already dealing with."

–u/virtualpig

15. "Not washing your hands...I've seen excessively galore guys successful and retired of the washroom who bash not wash."

16. "I person an 8-month-old, and I lone conscionable precocious broke the greeting scroll habit. It is perfectly embedded successful our psyche to beryllium connected our phones. I stopped due to the fact that I utilized to get up with him truthful my woman could sleep, marque my coffee, and beryllium down with him. I'd propulsion retired my telephone retired of habit. He would beryllium sitting determination quietly, staring astatine maine with his elephantine doe eyes and furniture head, playing with his fingers and waiting for attraction portion I wasted precious moments of his babyhood doomscrolling with my coffee. Now I permission my telephone successful the country erstwhile I get up."

–u/Phalus_Falator

18. "When idiosyncratic says, 'I’m the benignant of idiosyncratic that conscionable tells it similar it is,' arsenic an excuse to beryllium an obnoxious a-hole."

19. "Being a chopper genitor and saying, 'if you've got thing bully to say, don't accidental thing astatine all' has fixed america a procreation of young adults who can't deliberation for themselves and can't instrumentality criticism."

20. If you person a wont you'd similar to share, driblet it successful the comments.