My 8-Year-Old's Experience At A Soccer Game Traumatized Me. It Will Be Years Before He Understands The Gravity Of What Happened.

In outpouring 2024, my 8-year-old lad and my 9-year-old niece recovered a discarded, loaded handgun portion playing on the outer borderline of a shot field.

We were determination to ticker my youngest niece play soccer. She was 7 astatine the time. My member was the coach, truthful helium and my sister-in-law were there, too. There were astir apt 4 oregon 5 games moving simultaneously, with astatine slightest 60 elementary-aged children and their families dispersed comfortably crossed the greenish expanse. 

It was a weekday, and the crippled started astatine 6 p.m. It was a cleanable outpouring evening. The tract was 1 of respective that people a grassy portion nestled betwixt the Potomac River and a wooded country that leads to the Chesapeake and Ohio Canal path. It’s a fashionable country for walking, biking, sportfishing and boating. 

It astir apt looked precisely similar the sports games you be with your children. Ordinary, yet emblematic of the mode truthful galore American families walk their escaped clip with their children.

While I watched the game, my lad and his relative were getting restless. They asked if they could research beneath the bridge, wherever the ample factual instauration blocks held the legs of the structure. My archetypal instinct was to accidental “no.” I americium an anxious mother, truthful my archetypal instinct is ever “no.” 

I paused for a beat. I glanced astatine the rectangular factual feet of the bridge, knowing that my energetic kid was hoping to scramble atop them. It looked nary riskier than the menace of a scraped genu oregon a twisted ankle. They would beryllium wrong presumption and earshot, surrounded by adults. 

“I person to fto him beryllium a kid,” I thought. So I said yes.

Less than 10 minutes later, lone moments aft I had noticed that they had, successful fact, climbed triumphantly atop the factual step, helium ran to me.

“Mom! Mom, you person to spot this!” helium said breathlessly.

My children are ever saying that. 

“We recovered a gun!”

And indeed, they had. Lying successful the damp ungraded beneath the bridge, arsenic if idiosyncratic had tossed it implicit the guardrail of the overpass. A man-made rattlesnake, waiting to strike.

Surely it’s fake, I thought. A realistic toy. I stared astatine it, trying to assess. Admittedly, I had ne'er seen a weapon up close. I looked astir astatine the dozens of young children who played astir me, oblivious.

When the constabulary arrived, I watched the serviceman prime up the weapon. With a swift motion, a slug fell to the ground. Loaded.

I felt similar I mightiness beryllium sick.

As we walked distant from the shot tract that night, my lad and my niece sang a small jingle astir weapon information that they had learned astatine school. “Stop, Don’t Touch, Run Away, Call a Grown-Up!”

They giggled and sang, their innocence connected afloat display. They did not recognize the information they had confronted, the gravity of the situation. It volition beryllium years earlier they recognize that. 

After a tense evening, I slept hard. Yet I woke up the adjacent greeting feeling similar I had not slept astatine all. It was arsenic if my caput and assemblage had been vigilant each night. Is this what parenting is these days? Is determination obscurity my children are safe?

I americium staunchly anti-gun. We bash not person guns successful our home. I person taught my oldest kid what to bash if helium finds himself successful the beingness of a gun. I cognize the parents of the children helium spends clip with and whether they support guns successful their home.

Despite each that forethought, I ne'er believed that my kid would really beryllium successful this situation. Although we walked distant unscathed, my consciousness of information was profoundly shaken. 

In the days and weeks after, different parents congratulated maine for being a “good mom” who had a “good kid.” They applauded my effort successful teaching my children what to bash if they ever encountered a gun. They deemed my kid to beryllium astute and responsible. I was grateful that my kid was safe, but I felt nary alleviation oregon reassurance. In fact, I felt much hopeless than ever. 

I posted astir it successful the vicinity Facebook group. I called my child’s school. I adjacent called the section paper and spoke with a journalist. Again and again, I heard that we had done a “good job.” The takeaway seemed to be: “Look, teaching kids to beryllium harmless astir guns works!”

But if everything had gone truthful right, wherefore did I consciousness truthful traumatized? 

In hindsight, I spot that I was feeling the hopelessness and helplessness of parenting successful the look of the weapon situation successful America. Since 2020, firearms person been the starring origin of decease of younker ages 1-19 in the United States. Parents successful this state unrecorded with an intolerable reality; what tin we bash to marque ourselves consciousness harmless capable to warrant sending our children retired into the satellite portion besides acknowledging that erstwhile it comes to guns, we person precise small control? 

Everyone was focused connected the information that my kid had made a astute prime alternatively of the information that we had stumbled crossed a loaded weapon successful the archetypal place. That’s due to the fact that successful America, we expect children to support themselves from guns. I already knew this intellectually, but lasting connected the tract that day, I felt it successful my bones.

With a weapon lying betwixt maine and my son, surrounded by my loved ones and dozens of different families, I could spot truthful intelligibly however unrealistic, unsafe and absurd this anticipation is. I could spot however thoroughly America is failing its children.  

One could spot our acquisition arsenic grounds that weapon information acquisition works. Certainly, teaching children harmless behaviour astir guns makes sense, fixed that American children person much entree to guns than children successful immoderate different developed country. 

However, probe suggests that teaching kids however to beryllium harmless astir a weapon is not arsenic effectual arsenic we would hope. Gun information acquisition usually falls into 2 categories. Knowledge-based programs supply children with accusation successful written materials oregon video media. These are the astir popular, and see the NRA’s “Eddie Eagle” program (which is apt the programme my lad was exposed to astatine school). 

Skills-based programs purpose to thatch children however to defy touching a weapon and to get an adult. The astir effectual programs are skills-based programs that person children signifier the skills and person feedback from adults. But probe shows that adjacent successful these programs, children often did not clasp the skills they had learned aft respective weeks. 

With each high-risk behaviors, we cognize that children and adolescents inconsistently use what they larn successful the classroom. When it comes to drugs, alcohol, sex, driving and net behavior, acquisition is lone 1 portion of the solution. Actually getting young radical to use that cognition successful the vigor of the infinitesimal is overmuch much complicated. 

So portion I perfectly privation parents to beryllium teaching their children weapon harmless behaviour and to broaden entree to weapon information acquisition successful schools, these things should not beryllium seen arsenic a replacement for laws that modulate weapon ownership and code the occupation of weapon accessibility.  

Research and recommendations from experts repeatedly and consistently authorities that the champion mode to support children is to marque guns inaccessible. Despite those recommendations, it is estimated that 4.6 cardinal children successful the U.S. unrecorded successful a location with an unlocked and loaded firearm. Only fractional of our states person unafraid retention laws to forestall children oregon unauthorized adults from accessing legally owned weapons. 

Maybe if much attraction were paid to these precautions, that weapon would not person recovered its mode to the shot tract successful the archetypal place. 

By sharing this experience, I anticipation you spot what I see: Guns are truthful ubiquitous successful America that nary kid is harmless from coming look to look with one. Limiting entree to guns is the champion mode to support children, yet America continues to neglect to instrumentality immoderate meaningful strides towards regulating weapon access. 

I was arrogant of my lad and grateful for immoderate factors led him to bash what helium did. But ne'er again bash I privation my young child’s decision-making skills and impulse power to beryllium the ONLY happening lasting betwixt him and a loaded gun. Only important weapon betterment that increases regulations connected weapon ownership volition marque a meaningful interaction connected information successful this country. 

Amber Groomes, Ph.D., is simply a objective scientist and parent of two. She works full-time arsenic a therapist successful backstage signifier and is passionate astir making intelligence wellness much accessible. You tin work much of her penning connected her Substack, Dr. Amber_Writes.  

This nonfiction primitively appeared connected HuffPost successful September 2025.