"I Wish I Never Met Her": Reluctant Grooms Are Confessing What Happened After Their Weddings, And I'm Completely Stunned

There's a TON of societal unit to get married. Once you deed your mid-twenties, boom: it's similar nary of your older relatives attraction astir thing other different than erstwhile the heck you're getting married. And I cognize america women consciousness this pressure, but I ne'er thought astir however it mightiness impact men.

So recently, men connected Reddit were answering the question: "Men who joined their woman conscionable due to the fact that they felt pressured to bash it — are you happy?" with their ain stories. And it's truly rather jaw-dropping. Here are immoderate of the apical responses radical gave:

1. "I got joined retired of pressure, subtle arsenic it whitethorn person been. We dated for astir 4 years. That matrimony lasted for 3 years. Those 7 years felt similar decades. After that divorce, I joined my 2nd woman aft dating for astir 9 months. The 22 years we've been unneurotic person gone by successful a blink of the eye."

—Firekeeper_Jason

2. "No, I'm not happy. Getting joined has been the implicit worst determination of my life. My woman got large and past begged maine to wed her, adjacent though I wasn't successful emotion with her and I told her that I didn't privation to wed her galore times. She kept begging and pressured maine into it, and I felt similar it was the close happening to bash astatine the clip since she was large with my baby. Now we person the cutest baby, but our narration is terrible. She gets huffy astatine maine to the constituent wherever she breaks things, splashes h2o connected me, and punches me. She has deed maine successful the caput with a integrative bottle. No bully deed goes unpunished. I privation I listened to my household and friends and ne'er joined her. I honestly privation I ne'er met her."

—JordanL96

3. "My woman astatine the clip had kids — her archetypal matrimony was a disaster. I had a decent manufacturing occupation and was utterly smitten with her. She needs maine to wed her for wellness security and for real-life things similar buying a house. So we marry. I'll admit contiguous (and then) I was hesitant. And astir 35 years later, I'm stupidly blessed — still. The kids are grown. I moved up successful my vocation retired of the mill into engineering. Kids are each retired of the location with a fewer grandbabies retired there. Wife and I question the world. We're inactive truly sexy together."

—bluerog

4. "I was with my ex for astir 3 years earlier she pressured maine into getting engaged, and yet gave maine an ultimatum. We ended up getting engaged; I dragged my feet for years and we were dilatory readying the wedding, but I knew I didn't privation to spell done with it and could archer it would yet pb to divorce. We were compatible, but not bully lovers oregon partners. I yet decided to permission her six months earlier the wedding, past someway met my soulmate a period afterwards. We're present joined and person a beauteous kid together. If idiosyncratic is pressuring you into marriage, particularly if they springiness an ultimatum, they don't attraction astir your feelings enough. And waiting for things to get amended IS settling. Never settle."

—bighugs140

5. "I got my woman large erstwhile I was 23. I thought she was connected commencement control; however, she stopped taking it without telling me. I thought she was for me, but determination were galore reddish flags. I joined her retired of shame. I didn't privation to person a babe retired of wedlock. Then she joined the army; it was portion of her plan. You can't articulation the subject arsenic a azygous parent. She had plans to divorcement maine erstwhile she got usage retired of me. Two kids aboriginal successful that rabbit hole, and 21 years later, we are divorced. It broke maine for 2 coagulated years. I had to get counseling and find myself. I'm amended present and person recovered existent love. I privation nary of it happened. It besides screwed my girl up increasing up with her. My sons aren't arsenic bad. I privation I had a redo."

—1977fordf150

6. "Ehhh…I'm lone blessed sometimes. Maybe 30% of the time. Definitely not my soulmate. Not definite that is thing I judge in, though. She isn't a atrocious idiosyncratic but she hid immoderate compatibility issues, and present that we are joined and successful a house, she has the representation that she wants and that's conscionable wherever things are. For now."

—ForestOfMirrors

7. "I didn't truly privation to person to get married; I conscionable wanted to emotion idiosyncratic who loved maine backmost for who I was. My 20s were fraught with immoderate benignant of societal guilt-trip wherever immoderate guys who didn't privation to wed were someway immature. I went up and did it for 2 reasons: 1) I was acrophobic my woman was buying into it and that I'd commencement getting shamed oregon breached up with for not doing it (we had already breached up and reunited respective times implicit galore years), and 2) I was sick of not being taken earnestly arsenic an adult. We got joined the twelvemonth I turned 30. The 'honeymoon phase' was hardly implicit and tada, alternatively of societal unit to get married, it was societal unit to person kids. Meanwhile, I had started going to therapy and yet learning astir codependency and however to not. I knew this idiosyncratic for astir 14–15 years full since we met and began dating, but the matrimony lone lasted for two."

"I would accidental if the unit is the lone crushed to bash it, that's a atrocious reason."

—zarifex

8. "I had lone been with her a year. She kept asking and asking, 'When are we going to get married?' Then, 1 night, she had a fewer drinks and truly got going. I buckled conscionable to marque it end. Then I broke up with her a fewer weeks later. I didn't privation to wed idiosyncratic who was ever pressuring maine into what she wanted. But I ideate immoderate guys would instrumentality it out."

—Upleftdownright70

9. "I dated a pistillate for 3 years, but she started pressuring maine to get joined astir six months into the relationship. We broke up and got backmost unneurotic respective times implicit the 3 years we were together. After our second-last breakup, I decided I would wed her. I yet proposed, but she turned maine down, saying that she didn’t privation to beryllium the pistillate I settled for. We broke up for bully a abbreviated portion later. I met my woman astir a twelvemonth later; we dated for astir 3 months earlier we moved successful together, and we've been unneurotic and blessed adjacent since. It has been 13 years now."

—AwesomeDadMarkus

10. "I promised to my archetypal fiancé due to the fact that I felt similar that’s what I should do. Happy arsenic a pig successful crap that it didn't enactment and was called disconnected a fewer months later. Fast guardant to my wedding time and my step-father-in-law asks if I'm sure. Without hesitation I said, 'I’ve ne'er been truthful definite of thing successful my life.' You don’t person to beryllium that assertive, but if you person immoderate legit doubts astir your aboriginal with this person, mightiness beryllium champion to not spell done with it."

—brahbocop

11. "I felt pressured by the information that if I didn't fastener her down, she wouldn't privation to instrumentality around. It was wide erstwhile we started dating that she was going to privation kids and, aft 4 years of being together, we got married. It went truly good — I had this infinitesimal connected our honeymoon wherever I felt muscles successful my cervix unbend for the archetypal clip ever. Told my counsellor I'm yet genuinely harmless to beryllium emotionally authentic with someone. Had astir six months with our newborn that were axenic gold, arsenic aureate arsenic surviving slumber deprivation tin be. My woman was diagnosed with crab erstwhile our lad was 10 months old, and she died six days earlier his archetypal birthday. It's been conscionable implicit 2 years since her decease and I americium laid off, depressed, successful chronic pain, and present alone; truthful no, I americium not happy."

"The alternate beingness maine wherever Soph didn't get crab is highly blessed now, I imagine. Though, with my ain wellness developments, if she hadn't gotten sick, possibly I'd beryllium azygous anyway. My curse persists; hopefully this is my past beingness nether the shadow."

—JollyGreenStone

12. "Happily joined now, but I astir went down this path, and I tin astir warrant I wouldn't beryllium happy. Marriage doesn’t hole anything; it'd beryllium similar buying a car you didn't similar but knowing you're stuck with it for the remainder of your life. But multiplied by 20."

—giggity_0_0

13. "I got engaged close earlier a deployment due to the fact that the unit was changeless and suffocating. I got the 'propose earlier you permission oregon we're done' 2 days earlier deployment orders began, and I did. The pursuing morning, my archetypal coherent thought was, 'What person I done?' While deployed we argued a lot, and astatine immoderate constituent I realized I'd beryllium a fool to continue. Called it disconnected erstwhile I got home, moved my crap retired and yet moved on."

"For immoderate guys speechmaking this: don't cave to pressure. It's good to permission adjacent if there's a important clip investment. Listen to your gut."

—SeizeThatCarp

14. "I perfectly emotion my wife; she's a large idiosyncratic who makes maine amended and supports me. We started dating erstwhile I was 15 and ne'er had a batch of friction passim precocious school. I kinda figured we would turn isolated aft precocious school, but we ended up going to the aforesaid assemblage and stayed together. Once I graduated, she followed maine respective states distant erstwhile I got my archetypal occupation retired of college, and aft that I figured, hey, we mightiness arsenic good get married. I wouldn't needfully accidental that we are soulmates, but we some enactment successful the effort to marque our narration enactment implicit the years, which is much than I tin accidental astir immoderate of our different friends. Is determination idiosyncratic retired determination who mightiness beryllium a amended acceptable for some of us? Maybe, but sometimes you person to admit what you person not what you could have."

—NanoWarrior26

15. "I cognize a feline who joined an abusive pistillate who pressured him into it. Then helium got crab soon afterwards. I retrieve him talking to me, hoping for immoderate benignant of reassurance that I couldn't springiness him. He died unsocial and miserable. I've been pressured to wed much than once; I've ever managed to resist, but it's ever a relationship-ender erstwhile I accidental no."

—capilot

16. "Absolutely bash not bash it! I was this script exactly. Five years and past 8 years of marriage. 13 years gone! My woman present is the emotion of my life, and everyone I've dated since, I've breached it disconnected erstwhile I knew it wasn't what I wanted long-term. I volition ne'er marque a mistake with my beingness similar that ever again. It's not worthy giving up your clip portion this beingness we each get is truthful short!"

—MS_Bizness_Man

17. "I got joined owed to societal and spiritual pressure. The divorcement taught maine that religion and societal unit are bullshit that I don't request successful my life, truthful yes, I'm happier than ever now!"

—BaconcheezBurgr

18. "My member did and it was a immense mistake. She thought aft the marriage, erstwhile the kid arrived a twelvemonth later, things would beryllium great; she thought helium was a changed antheral and she would unrecorded her accepted Catholic beingness with him. Little did she cognize helium was pressured by her family, helium gave successful but inactive wanted to bent retired and messiness around. They divorced a twelvemonth aboriginal aft their unnecessarily costly Catholic wedding, and she inactive holds a grudge 20 years later."

—OutrageousLuck9999

19. "Married astatine 23, divorced by 32. Gentleman, if you're not blessed successful your relationship, either hole it oregon determination on. Trust me, you're blessed is waiting for you. I regret nothing. The debt, the crap credit, the full kid custody/support. I'd bash it each implicit again 1 cardinal times if it meant I didn't person to walk different time successful that marriage."

—Glittering_Court_896

20. "I was 18, and the lone crushed I brought up the thought of matrimony with my woman was due to the fact that I was joining the service and it would fto her person the benefits (we're some poor). Sometime later, I'm woken up by 2 friends successful my room, loudly telling maine I can't slumber in, to hurry up and get dressed, due to the fact that I'm getting married. Went to the courthouse that day. Got joined successful an orangish gymnastics squad T-shirt and achromatic cargo shorts. She was wearing achromatic skinny jeans. It's been a small implicit 13 years since then. She's the pistillate I emotion and she loves maine and we're some chasing our dreams. It astir apt utilized up each of my luck, but you triumph some, suffer some."

—jimmyraybob

21. "I felt unit being from the Midwest and needing to settee down aboriginal and person kids by 23 oregon 25. I thought she was the close 1 for me, but I deliberation she and I some ignored the reddish flags. We divorced connected our one-year anniversary. That twelvemonth wasn't miserable — I deliberation we had a beauteous bully clip — but the past 2 months were terrible."

—amk47

22. "No, I'm not happy. This summertime volition beryllium 22 years joined for us. We're friends and co-parents, but we've agreed the romanticist and carnal portion of our narration is over. If I had 'listened to my gut' mode backmost when, I wouldn’t person gotten married. But I convinced myself it was the close happening to bash instead. I was wrong. After we married, I came to recognize that my woman was not successful emotion with me, but alternatively with a idiosyncratic she felt I had the imaginable to be; she tried to steer maine toward becoming that person, sometimes alternatively harshly. I thought that if I kept trying, I would fig retired however to beryllium that person. It turns retired I was incorrect astir that, too. We person talked astir separating, but we can't spend to close now. It's frustrating due to the fact that I privation to get connected with my beingness and I cognize she wants to get connected with hers. We conscionable can't fig retired however to bash it, truthful we stay successful this limbo-like situation."

"My proposal to anyone who isn’t definite astir getting joined is to not bash it. Break up. Find idiosyncratic else, oregon unrecorded the beingness you privation arsenic a azygous person. Find idiosyncratic who you genuinely emotion and respect and who genuinely loves and admires you. Don’t fto anyone unit you into getting married. It won’t extremity well."

—WildfireJohnny

23. "It's been a agelong clip now, but no, I wasn't happy. I was miserable. I wasted 9 years of my beingness earlier throwing successful the towel. On the contrary, divorcing her was 1 of the champion decisions I person ever made. Although I've ne'er remarried, I've besides ne'er been happier successful definite ways."

—DrapersSmellyGlove

24. "I happily archer anyone who asks: I bash not request a portion of paper. I person been joined and divorced twice. The archetypal 1 was a rebellion against my mother. She gave an ultimatum, and we decided to bash it. Personally, I consciousness that if you are comfy with your partner, support being comfortable."

—Mysterious-Lady-7118

25. "Our matrimony lasted conscionable astir 2 years aft dating for astir three. If you popular the question due to the fact that she expects it, oregon you consciousness similar you ought to, oregon 'it makes sense' and not due to the fact that you've dated her for 2+ years and can't ideate your beingness without her, you're successful for a atrocious time."

—SpectacularOcelot

26. "Felt pressured astatine 19. Mistake but made the champion of it. Still friends 40 years and 3 children later, but the 12 years we were joined were hell. She was astir six years older than I was. So galore reddish flags. All bully present though. But I don't urge it."

—thudlife2020

27. "My woman and I were some precocious schoolhouse dropouts. She had her GED and was trying the assemblage assemblage route, but doing poorly owed to her overnight cab operator occupation erstwhile we started dating. I was blessed successful the trades and could find a occupation anyplace I traveled. Together, we wanted to commencement increasing up. I got my GED, and she ended up getting accepted to a schoolhouse 450 miles away. I didn't privation to determination distant without assurance, truthful I went to prime retired a ring. I felt similar I was rushing — we were lone dating 2 years — but it felt similar I was gonna suffer the champion happening that had happened to maine astatine 23. I projected with uncertainty successful my gut. She cried and said yes. We moved and I got a occupation that allowed maine to supply a extortion implicit our heads, and nutrient successful our bellies; she graduated with a 4.0. We'll observe our 14 twelvemonth wedding day this June. She's my champion friend, my queen, the astir important gut feeling I ever chased."

—TubeSamurai

Now, women, it's your turn! Have you ever felt pressured into marriage? What happened? Tell maine your communicative successful the anonymous signifier below, oregon station a remark below!

And cheque retired BuzzFeed Canada connected Instagram and TikTok for much similar this!

Note: Some responses person been edited for magnitude and/or clarity.