I Took RFK Jr.’s Advice and Ate Nothing but High-Protein Foods for a Week

Not adjacent two months into my occupation present astatine WIRED, I recovered myself barfing successful the bureau bathroom.

Technically, it was work-related stress, but not successful the mode you mightiness imagine. It was, instead, the unfortunate and astir contiguous effect of my efforts to power to a fare solely consisting of foods, drinks, and supplements marketed arsenic precocious successful protein—and thereby conscionable the level of regular macromolecule intake recommended by the US Department of Health and Human Services nether Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

The speech connected the porcelain telephone came astir an hr aft I sampled Ghost’s Nutter Butter–flavored whey macromolecule powder. My spouse Mads uses it arsenic workout fuel, and I saw it arsenic an casual shortcut to 26 grams of protein. She had already grumbled astir maine having immoderate for journalistic purposes—“it’s expensive!”—but was relieved that she wouldn’t person to taste-test immoderate of the different slop I had connected my database to devour that week. I foolishly took the jar’s proposition to adhd a heaping scoop of the Ghost pulverization to 5 oregon 6 ounces of h2o and coiled up trying to choke down a solid of peanut food sludge. (After I vomited, Mads told maine that she lone ever puts a tiny dose of this foul pulverization successful her cereal milk). As a protein-maxxing newb, it was a acquisition learned.

I uncertainty Kennedy has these problems. Earlier this year, the US wellness caput unveiled a “historic reset” of dietary guidelines for Americans, and the precise archetypal point was “Prioritizing Protein.” The section claimed that authoritative dietary guidance successful years past had “demonized macromolecule successful favour of carbohydrates.” On his societal media accounts, Trump’s wellness caput tin beryllium recovered visiting a Texas barbecue restaurant for a “protein-packed” meal, touring a Pennsylvania farm that produces “protein-rich” dairy, and appearing astatine an event with Mike Tyson to beforehand the Trump administration’s efforts to enactment macromolecule “at the halfway of the American plate.”

The nutrient manufacture has responded to Kennedy’s “Make America Healthy Again” docket with a dizzying assortment of high-protein items present disposable successful concatenation restaurants and connected store shelves. Despite his predominant assertion that ultra-processed foods are making Americans sick, protein-loaded versions of those aforesaid foodstuffs are everywhere, arsenic an evident compromise.

I’m not the benignant of feline who lifts weights successful jeans—I similar to tally a fewer miles outdoors astir days for my exercise—yet I wondered whether I was missing retired connected the alleged benefits of protein-maxxing. Perhaps if I upped my nutrient stats with each these trendy macromolecule bowls, bars, and beverages for a week I would commencement noticing immoderate improvements to my wide prime of life. Certainly, I reasoned, it has ne'er been easier to capable up a market cart with products that loudly proclaim their macromolecule content. So that’s what I did.

Eager to up my macromolecule depletion astatine breakfast—while maintaining a level of masculinity that seems halfway to the MAHA ethos—I paid $20, positive $7 successful shipping fees, for a container of thing called Man Cereal, easy the worst nutrient I ingested for this experiment. The maple bacon spirit is touted arsenic “sweet, smoky & sigma,” further confirming that the worldly is made for gym bros who perceive to problematic podcasts, and a vessel nets you 2.5 grams of creatine, a compound that supports musculus development. Too atrocious it’s some offensively artificial connected the palate and astir intolerable to chew through, a fitting workout for anyone who believes they tin amended their jawlines by “mewing.” As the hard, styrofoam-like balls yet interruption down, they overgarment your teeth successful gritty morsels that should marque adjacent the astir performatively masculine dude question his committedness to the act. Oh, and it’s lone 16 grams of protein.