I Caught Someone Defacing My Tesla. I Couldn't Believe What Happened After I Confronted Them.

“I deliberation that kid conscionable scratched your car!” my carnal therapist said, looking retired of his ample bureau model that faced the parking lot. He hurried retired the doorway arsenic I stood against the wall, mid-exercise, with a deflated shot down my knee.

Huh?

I rapidly followed him outside, wherever we recovered a kid, astir apt astir 16 oregon 17, lasting slump-shouldered aft being caught. They had a look that seems to beryllium particularly fashionable among galore teens these days: abbreviated cropped hair, chipped achromatic polish connected nibbled nails, handcuff earrings, an oversize, faded Pussy Riot T-shirt and oversize pants.

“Did you scratch my car?” I demanded.

“I didn’t scratch it!” they said.

“What did you bash to my car?” I pressed.

“I didn’t scratch it. I conscionable enactment a sticker connected it,” they replied sheepishly.

We moved to the backmost of my Tesla, wherever a “Swasticar” sticker present adorned its bumper.

“I’m sorry. I’ll instrumentality it off,” they said, kneeling down. 

“You know, I bought this car reasoning I was doing the close thing,” I said arsenic they picked distant astatine the amazingly tenacious sticker. “I didn’t cognize things were going to crook retired this way.” 

When I bought my Tesla respective years ago, I had conscionable moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico, from New York, wherever I hadn’t owned a car for 20 years. I had moved to a spot wherever drought, occurrence mitigation, and h2o restrictions are communal topics of speech — lone a fewer months aft I bought my car, astir a cardinal acres burned successful 1 of the largest wood fires successful the authorities — truthful buying a Tesla felt similar making an environmentally liable purchase. I had nary thought Elon Musk would go the antheral helium is contiguous oregon bash the things helium has done — and is doing. If I had to bargain a car today, I’d surely marque a antithetic choice.

“I’m truly sorry,” they said. 

People walking done the parking batch eyed the concern playing retired down my car: a kid earnestly trying to region a sticker portion I loomed implicit them with my arms crossed. Both of america felt awkward successful the silence.

What bash I bash now? I wondered. Yell astatine them? Threaten to telephone their parents — oregon the cops?

I took a enactment and relaxed my stance.

“I get that you’re frustrated. I’m frustrated too,” I told them.

They looked up, a spot amazed that I was offering a infinitesimal of knowing alternatively than further shaming them.

“I am. I’m truly angry,” they said. 

“What’s going on?” I softly asked.

I privation I could accidental my equanimity was owed to my years of Buddhist signifier oregon my enactment arsenic a spiritual director, helping radical from antithetic religion traditions connected their spiritual journeys. Both necessitate being comfy with soundlessness and gentle curiosity, and sure, that whitethorn person helped. But if I’m being honest, that’s mode excessively rose-colored. 

I cognize however feeling wounded and panicked tin marque america bash things we mightiness not usually do. Only a mates of weeks earlier, I had done thing hurtful. After I recovered a large, unauthorized complaint connected my recognition card, I had an tremendous and embarrassing overreaction portion connected a telephone telephone with a lawsuit work representative. I wasn’t personally insulting — I acknowledged that I knew the complaint wasn’t his responsibility — but I was, let’s say, loud.

At 1 constituent I heard myself yelling, “IF I DON’T GET MY MONEY BACK IMMEDIATELY, I’M GOING TO LOSE MY MIND!” I was truthful aggravated that I astir didn’t perceive him accidental the funds would beryllium returned wrong a day. All the while, I was alert of a saner portion of myself witnessing this colossal meltdown, and she was conscionable shaking her caput and saying, “Oh, girrrrrrl. You’re being ridiculous.” And I was, of course.

Afterward, erstwhile I had calmed down, I wondered however I had reached a DEFCON 1 level of choler truthful rapidly and acted truthful poorly. Yes, I felt powerless astatine the hands of a negligent corporation, but it was much than that. Like galore of america today, I consciousness helpless, particularly arsenic the policies of our existent medication are opening to impact maine and my community. My migrant friends interest that they volition person problems returning to their location present if they situation sojourn household abroad. Other friends are acrophobic for the wellness and information of their trans children. I interest that my family’s suffering successful Cuba volition lone get worse. That my 91-year-old mother’s Social Security and Medicare benefits volition beryllium cut. That my partner’s kids volition ne'er beryllium capable to bargain a home. That I’ll ne'er beryllium capable to retire. And truthful galore others are facing truthful galore different unthinkable challenges.

However, the much I thought astir it, the much I realized the bittersweet information down my outburst: My feelings of powerlessness were truly rooted successful the Stage 4 crab diagnosis my spouse had precocious received. That lawsuit work typical had nary thought (and, honestly, neither did I) however profoundly I was mourning the quality that my clip with this beauteous antheral — whom I had lone started gathering a beingness with and whom I had waited truthful agelong for — whitethorn precise good beryllium chopped short.

I person abruptly felt a implicit deficiency of control, and I agelong for immoderate mode to person agency. But I don’t, astatine slightest successful respect to his diagnosis, and I hatred it. I wondered if this teen shares a akin feeling of powerlessness too. After all, they’re coming of property astatine a clip when, alternatively of seeing a bright, shiny aboriginal up of them, they are faced with a satellite that is successful galore respects falling apart. I tin wholly spot however feeling similar that mightiness origin a kid to sticker cars they consciousness correspond that doom. 

Until my partner’s diagnosis, I had taken large comfortableness successful the feeling of being connected to thing greater than myself — telephone it Spirit, the Universe, Nature, God — whose laws and workings are yet a benignant of enigma that is mode beyond the limits of my understanding.

I sometimes privation I believed successful a idiosyncratic deity conscionable truthful I could curse its cruelty, but my beliefs don’t tally that way. I can’t fathom divine justness nor injustice successful each this suffering. I lone cognize determination is Connection. So erstwhile I recovered myself lasting successful that parking batch listening to that young idiosyncratic who had conscionable vandalized my car archer maine their fears, my eyes welled up successful recognition. We’re some aggravated and frustrated and feeling powerless, and we’re some craving empathy.

“Can I springiness you a hug?” they asked, tears successful their eyes too.

I said yes and I felt our bodies relaxing arsenic we embraced. 

When they yet finished removing the sticker and left, I got into my car and sat softly doing thing for a moment.

My bosom genuinely went retired to that kid. I evidently don’t condone what they did, but I recognize the choler that led them to bash it.

During our conversation, we talked astir our frustrations, astir however to enactment for alteration much effectively, astir the request for much compassion and community. I was successful awe of however contiguous and thoughtful they were, and I besides could spot however overmuch they were struggling to bash close too.  

This incident, which started retired truthful terribly, turned into the item of my day. Still, I’m alert that our brushwood wasn’t arsenic challenging — oregon adjacent perchance unsafe — arsenic it could person been. That teen astir apt shares 95% of my beliefs, seemed to beryllium acting retired successful a mostly harmless way, and was unfastened to connecting with me. But what if I had travel upon an big who held radically antithetic views from maine oregon who lashed retired erstwhile they were confronted? Would I person been capable to instrumentality a enactment and effort to beryllium funny astir their communicative oregon their fears — not with the extremity to alteration their caput oregon alteration mine, but simply to larn what they mightiness beryllium carrying? Because we each are carrying thing these days. 

Going forward, it’s my anticipation that alternatively of waiting for moments of struggle to popular up, I tin beryllium much unfastened to simply gathering radical (within oregon extracurricular my bluish bubble), asking them much questions, and making less assumptions astir who they are, what they’re feeling oregon what they’re going through. I don’t cognize if I’ll ever beryllium capable to emergence to that aspiration, but aft feeling what I felt erstwhile I drove distant from that parking batch connected that sun-bright morning, each portion of maine wants to try.

Katarina Wong is an artist, writer, and spiritual director based successful Santa Fe, New Mexico, wherever she lives with her spouse and their blended canine family. Katarina is the writer of Three Threads, a play Substack newsletter that uses creation to research idiosyncratic creativity and spirituality arsenic halfway to the quality experience. You tin find her connected Instagram @katarinawong and connected Bluesky @katarinawong.

This nonfiction primitively appeared connected HuffPost successful June 2025.