"He Came Home With Syphilis And I Divorced Him": People Are Sharing The Secrets Their Partners Hid Until After The Wedding

As a azygous woman, matrimony honestly terrifies me. Promising your beingness to idiosyncratic you've lone known a fewer years? Wild. And portion matrimony tin beryllium wonderful, determination are besides stories wherever radical wholly alteration aft saying "I do."

So we asked divorced and joined members of the BuzzFeed Community to stock the astir shocking secrets they learned astir their spouses aft the wedding — and wow, these are a lot. Here's what radical said...

Warning: This station contains discussions of home abuse, coercive relationships, substance abuse, intersexual behavior, and different delicate topics that whitethorn beryllium hard for immoderate readers.

1. "I learned that helium was heavy reliant connected porn. He'd masturbate respective times a time — into socks that helium would permission successful a pile. This was the slightest of my issues, arsenic helium past graduated from porn to chat-room enactment groups. I tried to beryllium the 'cool' wife, but I was miserable, and the insecurities I had were immense from seeing each the women helium fantasized about. After 10 years, I divorced him."

—Anonymous

2. "Once helium had maine locked into marriage, the reins came off. Previously, the information that I had an precocious degree, was a full-time professional, and had talents of my ain were respected characteristics. He was sometimes critical, but for the astir part, we had a reasonably decent relationship. The time aft the wedding, helium announced that helium liked a accepted woman who maintained her wifely duties of cleaning, cooking, and giving the location a 'womanly touch.' He announced that I would present beryllium him fractional my monthly salary. Not that we would usage it to stock bills — I paid for his wellness insurance, my telephone bill, and the groceries (which helium insisted beryllium bought astatine fancy market stores), each earlier giving fractional my wage to him for his use, adjacent though helium made doubly arsenic overmuch arsenic me. Previous thoughtful gifts turned into the aforesaid sexy lingerie (plus unspoken expectations) for each birthday, anniversary, Valentine's Day, and Christmas. I became 'his woman' to control."

"I should've ne'er joined him."

—Anonymous

3. "Months into my existent marriage, I walked into the chamber to find my spouse crying successful the dark. I inquire him, 'What are the tears each about?' That's erstwhile I learned helium owed much than $65,000 successful debt. Had helium been upfront with me, I would've postponed marrying him until helium straightened retired his debts. Unfortunately, helium has gone connected to prevarication to maine astir galore things. Almost 8 years into our marriage, helium yet 'fessed up and admitted that helium has a spending addiction. If I had a crystal shot and could person seen each of this, I would've tally for the hills."

—Anonymous

4. "My ex-husband lied to maine for our full relationship. He hid a intersexual fetish that I did not fit, but told maine each these beauteous things and planned our aboriginal unneurotic — astatine slightest verbally. His actions ne'er matched his words, and it broke my brain. Two years into our marriage, helium randomly dropped that helium ne'er loved me, and knew helium shouldn't person joined me. He besides had an matter with a coworker, arsenic good arsenic a well-hidden and well-managed alcohol, weed, and porn addiction. He broke my heart, and I'm inactive healing, but I'm gladsome to not beryllium with a idiosyncratic who is truthful wholly breached and cannot attraction astir anyone but themselves. I would ne'er bash that to someone."

—Anonymous

5. "We person been joined for 30 years. He has 3 children from a erstwhile marriage. We tried to person kids, and since helium had three, helium blamed maine for our deficiency of having any. He did a sperm trial astir 5 years into trying. Then, helium became precise sick recently, and we thought, this is it! On what could person been his decease bed, helium confessed to having a vasectomy aft his 3rd child. I ne'er saw immoderate grounds of this beforehand, and ne'er questioned his word. Thirty years of HARD LABOUR! I'm inactive processing…and not definite however to spell guardant with this!"

—Anonymous

6. "Not agelong aft I joined my husband, helium got immoderate bumps connected his penis. He asked maine if I was vaccinated against HPV. I was a small excessively aged and already sexually progressive erstwhile it came out. He screamed astatine me, told maine I was lying, and said I should person gotten it (I was raised successful different state wherever it was much limited). The adjacent day, helium said helium was drunk and didn't retrieve yelling astatine me. He did that repeatedly for fewer weeks, ever aft drinking. Over our abbreviated marriage, helium would knock astir everything other astir me. After our divorce, I learned helium had this microorganism and had been treated for it years earlier me, and helium had accused erstwhile girlfriends of giving it to him successful the aforesaid way. He hates himself and took it retired connected everyone else."

—Anonymous, 37

7. "I recovered retired a twelvemonth into my matrimony that my hubby was a pathological liar. Three months into dating, helium said his roommates weren't getting on and had asked him to determination out, and that his vocation arsenic a idiosyncratic trainer wasn't going arsenic planned. I offered to fto him unrecorded with maine and my roommate portion helium got backmost connected his feet. He got a caller occupation and things were great. We were engaged 9 months later. After 1 twelvemonth of matrimony and a nighttime of drinking, helium confessed that his 'roommates' were really his parents, and helium was taking classes to beryllium a trainer, but ne'er really got licensed. When helium was 'doing grooming retired of state,' helium was really visiting family. The lies continued implicit the years, immoderate resulting successful immense debts from buying and intoxicant addiction. After 10 years, I chose myself, my kids, and bid of mind, and we got divorced."

—Anonymous, 39, Las Vegas

8. "My wife, citing her faith, said enactment earlier matrimony was a sin. We were intimate, but intercourse was disconnected the table. On our wedding night, I tried to determination things forward, lone to perceive that she was not successful the mood. It took astir six months earlier we really tried again, and it was a disaster. She said that intercourse was excessively achy and my suggested alternatives were 'disgusting.' She could connection nary alternatives that were acceptable for her. It was just, 'We tin buss a spot if you privation to, but I'm not successful the mood.' We've stayed unneurotic due to the fact that each different aspects of our narration are beauteous solid, but I regret not having immoderate intimacy and americium bittersweet knowing that it volition ne'er change."

—deliciouspumpkin104

9. "After 35 years of marriage, I divorced him due to the fact that I couldn't unrecorded with his long-standing slump and refusal to get the assistance helium needed. That's erstwhile helium admitted that the slump started owed to a unspeakable incidental erstwhile helium was successful Vietnam. The Navy had enactment him successful a padded country due to the fact that helium was a information to himself and others. They told him to 'get implicit it' oregon helium would beryllium 'an embarrassment to his parents.'"

—Anonymous

10. "I was my husband's 2nd wife. He had been joined with children prior. Seven years aft a sexless marriage, I recovered retired helium was connected cheery hookup sites and dressing arsenic a woman. He came location with syphilis and I divorced him."

—Anonymous, 56

11. "My then-husband ne'er told his parents helium got married. They were precise strict Catholics, and told him they would chopped him retired of their lives if helium joined idiosyncratic who was not Catholic. He had besides been divorced before, and I had 2 kids. He promised helium had told them, but wrong a week of our wedding, helium admitted helium didn't. Incredibly, I stayed with him. What a dummy I was."

—Anonymous

12. "I recovered retired that I wasn't his 2nd wife, but was successful information his 3rd wife. I learned this from a comparative of his 2nd woman aft we had been joined for astir 3 years. He said helium ne'er told maine due to the fact that the matrimony had been annulled, and successful his mind, this meant it ne'er occurred. That matrimony had lasted astir 2 years. I was beauteous aggravated astatine first, but I was capable to get beyond it, and helium has since proven to beryllium fantastic husband."

—Anonymous, 62

13. "I recovered retired that helium had forged my signatures to warrant a seven-figure loan, a period earlier we were married. I near him immediately, and took our small toddler. It's been a fractional a twelvemonth of ineligible battles, some transgression and household law. While helium badmouths me, I laic low, due to the fact that the constabulary is investigating. It is simply a nightmare."

—Anonymous

14. "I was with my ex-fiancé for 4 and a fractional years. It took maine astir that agelong to aftermath from the unreality of narcissistic maltreatment (verbal, mental, physical), and luckily, I called disconnected our wedding with lone 3 months to spare. I took implicit our marina rent by myself, which was beyond hard financially, and lived with my champion person and her hubby portion helium moved out. It turns retired helium had different narration already. The past clip I agreed to conscionable him to sermon things — due to the fact that I was inactive easy manipulated into reasoning helium 'loved' maine — my intuition told maine helium was lying. Well, little than a period later, I recovered retired astir the cheating connected apical of everything else. He ended up getting joined and having a kid with that mediocre woman. I commune for her regularly, due to the fact that portion I was forced into an termination with him, I convey deity regular that I'm not tied to him for beingness with a child, due to the fact that helium is the epitome of evil."

—Anonymous

15. "I didn't find retired however nasty and soiled my hubby was until aft we got married. I mean, it's unnatural to beryllium this nasty. He lone takes a ablution if I'm successful the country watching him — erstwhile helium gets disconnected enactment oregon moving successful the gait oregon adjacent erstwhile helium wakes up successful the morning. He ne'er washes his hands and helium hardly brushes his teeth. Thank deity we don't stock our furniture together."

—Anonymous

16. "There are 2 large things my ex-husband lied to maine astir erstwhile we got married. First, helium told maine that helium was younger than helium was, by respective years. When I confronted him, helium said that helium thought I had seen his driver's license. He besides lied and said that helium was an American national erstwhile helium alternatively had an expired greenish card. He said that 'all Europeans' are successful the United States without papers, it was 'no large deal,' and that I shouldn't care. I didn't attraction astir his deficiency of citizenship, but I cared that helium lied to me. As an highly knowing person, I stayed successful that matrimony for 15 years, and it was precise hard to spot thing that helium said to maine — what a discarded of clip and energy."

—Anonymous, 44, Los Angeles

17. "My hubby and I person been unneurotic since we were 16 and 17, successful precocious school. Before helium came to the schoolhouse wherever we met, he'd been successful betterment school. He didn't archer maine that. A miss astatine the aforesaid precocious schoolhouse we attended was 1 of a fistful of teen moms that year, and by the clip helium came to the school, she'd already had the baby. I didn't cognize determination was immoderate connection. Fast guardant to implicit 30 years later, and his parent was pushing him to instrumentality a humor trial to spot if it was his big child. Apparently, they each suspected it each these years — which made sense, due to the fact that I ne'er understood wherefore the miss kept coming astir the household truthful much, being that she was his puerility ex. She wasn't bringing the kid astir either, ever alone. The household besides has a past of intelligence illness. He ne'er told maine helium suspected helium was the father, oregon astir their household intelligence wellness history, and we person 4 children together. Divorce loading..."

—Anonymous, 50, Michigan

18. "I recovered retired that my hubby lied astir his property erstwhile we were signing the matrimony license! And past aboriginal on, helium besides admitted that helium couldn't read. Needless to say, that matrimony ended beauteous quickly."

—Anonymous, 53

19. "I recovered retired my (now ex) hubby was a enactment addict aft helium was arrested for soliciting a enactment worker. His addiction came with bizarre fetishes. The astir disturbing 1 was that helium had a cannibalism fetish. Wild."

—Anonymous

20. "I recovered retired my hubby cheated connected his archetypal woman twice. There was lone kissing involved, truthful helium didn't see it cheating. But then, I asked him, 'If I kissed different person, would I beryllium cheating?' Of course!"

—Anonymous, 44, Los Angeles

21. "In the 3 years starring up to our wedding, helium had spent implicit $500 connected dating app subscriptions. I learned astir his habits connected our archetypal wedding anniversary."

—Anonymous, 33

22. "I was joined to my archetypal woman for 2 years earlier I recovered retired she had a afloat acceptable of dentures. When our archetypal kid was born, the caregiver told maine I couldn't spot her until she enactment her teeth in. It was much than a large surprise."

—Anonymous

23. "He can't bash thing — helium can't cook, clean, bash gait work, oregon hole thing astir the house. I bash it all, and helium thinks it's good since helium makes much money. I'm presently making an exit plan."

—Anonymous

24. "Before marriage, I ne'er understood however antithetic we are with intimacy. As a guy, I privation a freak successful the sheets, and a pistillate successful the streets. She acts similar a high-schooler that is caller to intimacy, truthful her cognition and quality to consciousness wanted is not easy. She is simply a large genitor and hard worker, but she's conscionable not into sex. We've been joined for 17 years."

—Anonymous, 41, Colorado

25. "Before we got married, she told maine she had dated a clump of guys before, and had large experiences with them. I knew she was a virgin, but I aboriginal recovered retired I was really her archetypal kiss, too, and she'd lied astir those different guys."

—Anonymous, 32

26. "My bestie from college, who I loved similar a sister, got engaged to a feline who ne'er told her he'd defaulted connected his pupil loans. He hid it from her until they were looking astatine caller apartments, and they ran a recognition cheque a fewer months earlier the wedding. She was busting her butt six days a week arsenic a waitress, and helium was a teacher, making decent money. What besides pissed maine disconnected is that helium sat connected his butt implicit summertime break, alternatively of getting a occupation to wage disconnected his debt. He fto her enslaved distant portion helium watched TV each day. He was besides astir 20 years older than she was, truthful helium should've made SOME benignant of guardant advancement with his beingness earlier helium saddled her with his debt. Ugh. He ruined our friendship. He was not bully capable for her, and I volition dice connected that hill."

—fierceturtle988

27. "Debt!!! He hid however overmuch helium was successful debt! Not a large mode to statesman a marriage."

—Anonymous

28. "My ex-husband didn't archer maine that his member had murdered someone."

—Anonymous

29. And finally: "I knew my hubby had immoderate outstanding postulation tickets successful Texas, wherever we are some from, but I didn't cognize however galore — and neither does he! He yet admitted, aft respective years of marriage, that determination are wayyyy much than I thought. It's not a deal-breaker, though, and we often laughter astir however I'll person to thrust anytime we sojourn Texas."

—Anonymous, 58, USA

What's the astir shocking happening you ne'er knew astir your ex-partner until aft marriage? Tell maine successful this speedy form, oregon successful the comments below.

And for much absorbing stuff, cheque retired BuzzFeed Canada connected TikTok and Instagram!

Note: Some responses person been edited for magnitude and/or clarity.

If you oregon idiosyncratic you cognize is successful contiguous information arsenic a effect of home violence, telephone 911. For anonymous, confidential assistance successful the United States, you tin telephone the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline astatine 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) oregon chat with an advocator via the website. In Canada, you tin telephone the Assaulted Women’s Helpline astatine 1-866-863-0511 for free, confidential support, 24/7.