A Guy I Once Dated Is Now Famous, And It's As Weird As You'd Imagine

My girl was dormant successful her country down the hall, and my hubby and I gathered our bowls of popcorn and settled connected the couch. I had my feet up connected the java table, was comfy successful my sweatpants, and I relaxed into the cushions arsenic my hubby deed “play” connected the newest occurrence of 1 of the astir fashionable bid connected TV successful caller years.

And conscionable a fewer minutes into it, who should look connected surface but my ex-flame?

Let’s telephone him Mike. He ever shows up erstwhile I slightest expect it ― and I truly should expect it by now.

Every clip it happens, I groan and inquire my husband, “Is that Mike?” adjacent though I already cognize it is.

“Yep,” helium answers. He’s ne'er arsenic amazed arsenic I am.

It each started with a commercialized implicit a decennary ago. I was watching the Detroit Red Wings backmost erstwhile they were good, and erstwhile the 2nd play ended, determination was Mike, laughing with immoderate alien connected a couch. I don’t adjacent retrieve what the advertisement was for due to the fact that I was truthful shocked to spot that acquainted look staring backmost astatine maine from my TV screen.

That was the archetypal clip I asked my husband, “Wait, is that Mike?”

They don’t cognize each different personally, but he’s known of Mike since helium met maine 15 years ago, erstwhile we utilized to spell to my brother’s drama shows and Mike was besides onstage. My hubby has ever thought Mike is hilarious ― and helium is, but still, it’s weird.

Then 1 night, we decided to ticker a fashionable comedy, and determination was Mike, lone for a infinitesimal — but helium was there, nonetheless. I’d cognize those rolling eyes and that crinkled forehead anywhere. I inactive asked, “Is that Mike?” I conscionable couldn’t judge helium had made it to Hollywood.

A fewer years later, portion watching a highly anticipated remake of a fashionable movie from decades ago, conjecture who showed up successful a pivotal scene, and conjecture who thought she mightiness beryllium seeing things? “Wow, he’s truly made the large time,” I said retired loud, astonished, much to myself than my husband.

Little did I cognize helium was conscionable getting started.

I person kissed galore men. Most of them I haven’t seen successful years. I cognize the anticipation of moving into them connected the thoroughfare is highly unlikely. And adjacent if I did, determination would beryllium immoderate I wouldn’t admit oregon adjacent remember. But Mike keeps popping up successful my beingness successful the astir unexpected ways. I conjecture I should beryllium utilized to it by now, but each clip it happens, it feels similar the archetypal time.

I met Mike connected outpouring interruption during my elder twelvemonth of precocious school. I was with 3 of my girlfriends, and helium was staying astatine the aforesaid edifice conscionable down the hallway from america with 3 of his feline friends. When we each bumped into each other, we learned that we each lived successful the aforesaid authorities little than an hr distant from each other.

We hung retired with them the full week, and by the extremity of the archetypal day, I was already successful emotion with Mike. He was comic and handsome. He had a suaveness to him. He was arsenic creaseless arsenic the lines helium used. 

I felt similar I was Sandy from Grease, and Mike was my Danny. We played successful the waves, kissed adjacent the rocks, and I refused to judge that our romance would soon beryllium over. Our little matter felt much similar a imagination than reality, and I didn’t privation to instrumentality home, wherever I knew it would beryllium hard for things to continue. I whitethorn person been smitten, but I wasn’t a fool ― we were 18, surviving an hr apart, committed to attending colleges connected the other broadside of our authorities ― and I knew determination was nary existent aboriginal there. 

But, to my surprise, I aboriginal recovered retired helium was taking acting classes with my brother. What were the chances? So, aft each show, we’d extremity up reconnecting. Ultimately, we couldn’t get past the distance, and eventually, helium moved adjacent further distant to prosecute his acting career.

There was a clip erstwhile Mike and I weren’t each the different. We some liked acting and singing. We some liked Rent and the Barenaked Ladies. We some had large dreams for the future.

The time aft Mike appeared astatine a large grant amusement and I saw him onstage with truthful galore different actors I greatly admire, I drove to my section assemblage assemblage field and half-boasted, half-lamented to my creation students that idiosyncratic I utilized to marque retired with had won.

There I was, making peanuts teaching 19-year-olds however to decently usage a comma. It was hard not to comparison myself to Mike — and casual to consciousness jealous of his fame and occurrence — but past again, teaching assemblage had been my large imagination for the future. So why, erstwhile I saw him connected that stage, did I consciousness truthful unsatisfied?

I had ne'er truly wanted fame ― not since I was successful mediate school, anyhow. And adjacent then, I’m not definite I truly wanted it. I mean, what 12-year-old doesn’t deliberation they privation to beryllium famous? What I truly wanted was to thatch and write. I didn’t person dreams of moving to LA oregon New York. I loved the authorities wherever I grew up. And successful summation to wanting a hubby who was saccharine and comic and kind, I besides wanted 1 who was grounded, loyal and dependable ― things Mike could ne'er truly beryllium portion chasing an acting career. I wanted a family. I wanted stability. 

And I’m blessed to accidental I was fortunate ― I got each of that. My beingness is overmuch similar galore different middle-class Midwesterners: I person a occupation I attraction about, a humble location we’ve astir paid off, a wonderful, devoted husband, and a saccharine kid I’m brainsick about. Sometimes I constitute things that immoderate radical read, but for the astir part, my beingness is quiet. And it’s precisely however I ever wanted it to be.

After I wrote this essay, I ran to the market store and bought my girl a caller toothbrush. I couldn’t assistance reasoning astir Mike and however helium doesn’t person to bash his ain market buying anymore. He tin astir apt wage radical to bash that. And I felt a twinge of jealousy again.

Mike’s beingness is filled with reddish carpets, decorator suits and appearances connected late-night speech shows — the nonstop other of quiet. The nonstop other of my beingness ― a beingness I love. So what’s the problem?

I conjecture it’s that these days ― possibly much than ever earlier ― we’re ever comparing our lives to everyone else’s lives. And societal media has made it adjacent easier to measurement however we’re doing against however idiosyncratic other is doing ― oregon astatine slightest however they look to beryllium doing. We scroll done Instagram and spot our friends ― oregon implicit strangers ― boasting astir their exotic vacations oregon fabulous location remodels oregon the bully grades their children are getting, and we bash our ain boasting. We look astatine Twitter and spot idiosyncratic got a promotion oregon a publication woody oregon a caller car, and we stock our ain successes. But we each cognize that societal media doesn’t ever amusement the world of someone’s life, and adjacent if and erstwhile it does, should that marque america consciousness immoderate little worthy oregon that our lives are immoderate little worthwhile? Of people not. 

What we request to bash ― what I’ve needed to bash ― is punctual ourselves that the writer is often greener and that we person our ain blessings to count. There are ever going to beryllium radical who person more, who person done more, who cognize more, but if we get and enactment wrapped up successful that game, we’ll ne'er triumph ― oregon we’ll beryllium excessively engaged to recognize that we’re already winning.

I followed Mike’s Instagram for a while. And I ooohed and ahhhed astatine immoderate of his posts, but I besides wondered if helium would ooooh and ahhhh astatine immoderate of excavation if helium were to spot them. Maybe catching a glimpse of my adorable girl oregon the household gatherings I cherish mightiness marque him a small jealous of my life. Who knows? In the end, it doesn’t truly matter. Jealousy isn’t the point.

Even though I’m not (yet!) the bestselling writer I anticipation to beryllium 1 time and adjacent though I’m not the Broadway prima I dreamt of being erstwhile I was a kid, I’m happy, and that’s an unthinkable happening to beryllium capable to say.

It’s sometimes casual to hide that erstwhile the celebrated feline I erstwhile dated pops up connected my TV, but hopefully, from present connected out, whenever I spot his face, I’ll beryllium reminded that dreams travel existent ― some his and mine.

Jennifer Furner has been published successful The Rumpus, Belt, Motherwell, and others. She is simply a past chap of the Kenyon Review Writers Workshop and presently serves arsenic the Nonfiction Editor of The Dodge, an online mag of eco-writing. She lives successful Grand Rapids, Michigan. with her hubby and daughter. For much of her writing, visit jenniferfurner.com.

This nonfiction primitively appeared connected HuffPost successful 2021, but was republished successful May 2025.