73 Of The Dumbest Things People Said That Had Their Partners Ready To Break Things Off

We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to archer america the dumbest things that their spouse said. Here are their hysterical (and concerning) responses:

Note: Some submissions travel from this Reddit thread. 

1. "My fellow asked maine if they talk British successful Britain."

—Maddie_Herrin

2. "He thought an ovum came retired erstwhile idiosyncratic finished their period. Like…a chickenhearted egg."

—AbsolutelyNotMothman

3. "They thought turtles took disconnected their shells to 'make love.' Five years beardown 💪."

—snickeynouse

5. "We were talking astir dinosaurs and helium was shocked to perceive they were real. Then helium proceeded to inquire maine if they truly breathed fire. He thought dinosaurs and dragons were the aforesaid thing."

—u/alixnkxng

6. "When helium missed his regular medication, helium threw it retired alternatively of conscionable redeeming it for the adjacent day."

—u/lostinstasis

8. "They called it the 'Specific Ocean.'"

—u/Skyne

9. "When helium said he’d marque pancakes and past enactment the adust pulverization straight successful the blistery pan."

—u/Sims5Evr

10. "She refused to wage taxes, person a slope account, oregon wage for nationalist transit. She told me, 'I alteration my sanction each fewer years truthful they can't find me.' Like, she'd spell to the authorities and alteration her name. Legally. So the authorities couldn't find her.'"

—u/GreasyBud

11. "My woman would bring worldly location that said 'refrigerate aft opening,' unfastened it, and enactment it successful the refrigerator."

—u/overmonk

12. "She didn't cognize that yogurt and pudding were not the aforesaid thing. She thought it was similar however the British telephone fries 'chips'. She had been eating pudding and granola for meal for months and congratulating herself for being truthful healthy."

—u/MenudoMenudo

13. "She didn’t recognize that you really person to wage what you spent connected recognition cards. Like the recognition magnitude she had was expected to beryllium her monthly bounds that conscionable resets each month."

—u/alphalegend91

14. "My ex asked me, 'Where does the prima spell astatine night?' I was dumbfounded. She was successful her aboriginal 20s astatine the time."

—u/VagrancyHD

15. "We unrecorded successful cardinal Alabama. She told maine that she and her best friend were going to Birmingham for the weekend. I didn't deliberation thing of it; there's tons of buying and things to bash successful Birmingham. She came implicit that Sunday nighttime to archer maine however disappointed she was with the trip. They had driven done each of the wealthier neighborhoods successful Birmingham, Alabama, for 2 days trying to find a location that matched the gates to Ozzy Osborne's location and ne'er recovered it. He lives successful Birmingham, England."

—u/bluecheetos

16. "I had a spouse who stacked cups...when putting them successful the dishwasher."

—u/DoctorWafle

17. "She walked into a machine laboratory connected field and simply picked up a machine and walked location with it. She was surviving with maine astatine the time, truthful I get location to find a precise familiar-looking machine sitting connected the room table. She virtually thought the computers were escaped for students. It took a spot of explaining to person her that she stole the computer. I made her instrumentality the machine to the laboratory that night; she near it astatine the doorstep."

—u/watabby

18. "He thought you sorb a gallon of h2o erstwhile you shower. So helium didn’t request to portion water."

—u/Wild_Butterscotch_7

19. "The doc said my present ex-wife's trial returned affirmative she asked, 'Does that mean I'm not pregnant?' I knew astatine that infinitesimal I was successful for a agelong ride."

—u/mthw704

20. "We were doing a 'fun information astir me' icebreaker successful a radical and his was 'I’ve ne'er work a book.'"

—u/Unlucky-Limit7968

22. "I knew aft her 3rd 'business opportunity' turned retired to beryllium different pyramid scheme."

—u/Aelerious

24. "She didn’t privation to ticker the archetypal Avatar movie until her uncle told her that it was based connected a existent story. I asked her if she meant that it was a futuristic mentation of Pocahontas…but no, she thought that it was someway based connected a existent story."

—u/bearhos

26. "An ex erstwhile asked, successful each sincerity, 'Do radical who talk different languages deliberation successful English? All my thoughts are successful English and I presume we each deliberation the aforesaid way.' We were 22 years old."

—u/Vetinari-57

27. "I erstwhile asked my ex to commencement boiling the potatoes for meal astir 20 minutes earlier I got location truthful that they would beryllium adjacent to acceptable for maine to mash up arsenic the broadside for dinner. I got location close arsenic helium enactment them successful the water. He had to telephone his dada to inquire however to boil potatoes."

—u/Early_Vegetable3932

28. "My present husband, erstwhile we were archetypal dating, told maine that helium believed that each plants could beryllium classified arsenic either a effect oregon a vegetable. After we were joined helium told maine helium thought platypuses were the size of aureate retrievers."

—u/batmanpjpants

29. "I introduced him to my stepsister. He said, 'Weird. You guys look thing alike.'”

—u/throwawayadvicesee

30. "She said playing hoops makes you taller. Her impervious was each the gangly radical playing basketball."

—u/rarawieisdit

31. "After homecoming successful precocious school, we went for pizza. She wanted to effort a vegetarian fare and arsenic we were selecting toppings she asked me, 'Is determination nutrient successful mushrooms?'"

—u/Imaginary_Sense_88

32. "My ex would lone portion full beverage due to the fact that erstwhile helium saw 2% beverage helium thought, What’s the different 98%? He thought helium was a genius."

—u/smellycat25

33. "When I recovered retired my ex didn't cognize what bid the months spell in. When I asked him to larn helium got mad, said no, and that it wasn't thing helium was funny in."

—u/DadImInSpace

34. "She thought radical dug potholes during the nighttime to unit you to bargain caller tires."

—u/kyle_circus

36. "I erstwhile concisely dated a feline who thought sweetened java had zero calories due to the fact that 'the sweetener has dissolved, truthful it’s not there.'"

—millenialshrimp

37. "I person an ex who was a Marine and perfectly studied subject history. He thought that Lincoln was our 2nd president aft Washington. It perfectly wounded my brain."

—julesburton8

38. "I unrecorded adjacent the borderline of Wisconsin and Illinois, and there’s a municipality adjacent called Woodstock. My fellow was perfectly convinced that it was the celebrated Woodstock and wondered wherever they held the big-ass festival successful the town. When I pointed retired that Woodstock the festival was not affiliated with Woodstock the Illinois town, helium didn’t judge me."

—pahz

39. "My ex thought that the Underground Railroad had to bash with trains and helium utilized to unrecorded successful the aforesaid country that Harriet Tubman was from."

—limbecke12

40. "My ex-husband didn't cognize you had to person a checking account, with wealth successful it, and a recognition oregon debit paper to retreat wealth from an ATM. He besides pronounced ATM similar 'Adam.'"

—kwawrzszek

41. "I went to the opera with a guy. After it ended and the location lights turned on, helium said, large capable for others to hear, 'I similar however they did that with truthful small dialogue!' He was not trying to beryllium funny."

—madeleinemagillb

42. "When I asked my ex if helium had a vaporizer to fume weed with, helium said yes, and this antheral proceeded to propulsion retired a HUMIDIFIER! He thought you could conscionable enactment the weed successful the basin wherever the h2o would go."

—cardeezy

43. "My archetypal superior fellow was 26 erstwhile helium recovered retired his blinds weren’t 'fox' wood... they were faux wood blinds. I had to explicate to him that it was French."

—saraa4a00f7b8f

44. "I erstwhile told a feline I was dating helium needed much humility, and helium virtually responded with 'Why would I privation to beryllium humiliated?'"

—MAS1987

45. "I erstwhile knew a idiosyncratic who, 1 day, told maine that she had learned thing new: the president of the United States is not the president of everything. Other places, similar England, Australia, and China, person their ain president. She was benignant of excited astir learning this."

—stevieavebury

46. "I erstwhile dated idiosyncratic who would not judge that radical are animals. She kept saying, 'We're people! Not animals! How tin we beryllium both?!' She couldn't recognize however we could perchance autumn into much than 1 category."

—themaninthecave

47. "He told maine that Adam and Eve were humanities figures and dinosaurs were a myth."

—ag1723

48. "I erstwhile dated idiosyncratic who pronounced the 'T' successful buffet erstwhile referring to the benignant of restaurant."

—Shannon1740

49. "An ex of excavation was having assemblage odor issues, truthful 1 time I brought it up successful the nicest mode imaginable by asking him what his favourite deodorant marque was. His reply? 'Men don't deterioration deodorant, lone women do.'"

—Peig77

50. "My ex, erstwhile I told him I had a gathering with the Dean of Liberal Arts, said, 'Why isn’t determination a Dean of Conservative things, too? This is wherefore Republicans accidental they hatred colleges! Y’all could hole authorities truthful fast.'"

—Abcdg

51. "Doctor asked him, 'How did you get nutrient poisoning doubly from the aforesaid dish?' He said, 'Hey doc, immoderate doesn’t disconnected ya lone makes you stronger.' The doc replied, 'No, it really makes you incredibly sick.'"

—daymanfighteroftheniteman

52. "I was successful a combat with my present ex-boyfriend, and astatine 1 constituent successful the argument, I said, 'Do you request maine to reiterate!?' to which helium replied, 'NO! I privation you to repetition yourself!!!' I past yelled back, 'What bash you deliberation REITERATE MEANS?!' I've ne'er heard specified a humiliating soundlessness successful my life. It was glorious."

—crankyoldlady

53. "She thought that rust was 1 of the chemic elements. You cognize like: oxygen, neon, silver, uranium, rust."

—amaneaux

54. "I sometimes wonderment what my gramps thought the archetypal clip his woman told him that dogs pull lightning."

—torbielillies

55. "I dated a miss successful precocious school, and she was mostly precise bright. We were astatine the promenade 1 day, looking astatine 1 of those large maps of the promenade directory. She asked maine however the representation knew wherever we were standing. Dumbfounded, I asked her to clarify. She pointed astatine the constituent astatine the prima connected the representation that said 'You are here,' and asked however the representation knew. I explained that the representation was wherever we were standing, and we are speechmaking it. After 10 minutes of trying to explain, she inactive didn't get it."

—urban_pickle

56. "My champion person had a fellow 1 clip that refused to portion h2o due to the fact that it said it was unhealthy and caused cancer. His solution was that helium lone drank soda oregon fare soda. All time each day."

—bri123

57. "My ex broke respective java cups trying to reheat her java connected the electrical stovetop. We had a microwave. Why she tried to usage the stove, I don’t know. Why she continued to effort it aft the archetypal 1 broke, I don’t know. She had a master's degree. I yet bought her a plug-in java cupful warmer, and she loved it."

—jamesc420ce9ec1

58. "He thought cutting the umbilical cord determined penis length. He legit thought it was the doctor's responsibility for cutting it 'too short' if a antheral had a smaller penis and didn't recognize the cord was what caused radical to person belly buttons. He didn't deliberation girls had an umbilical cord to chopped astatine each erstwhile they were born."

—audreyunashamed

59. "I dumped a feline due to the fact that helium didn't cognize what colour reddish and yellowish marque erstwhile mixed together. It was a question connected Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? When I asked him to conscionable instrumentality a chaotic guess, helium goes 'I don't know, purple?' That's erstwhile I knew we were done."

—hollyskittlesb

60. "I had to thatch my ex however to find a publication successful a library. We were some assemblage graduates."

—michelangelofangirl

61. "My ex asked me, 'What benignant of carnal is Mickey Mouse?' I conscionable kept saying back, 'Say that again…slower.'"

—emilycannon

62. "After homecoming successful precocious school, we went for pizza. She wanted to effort a vegetarian diet, and arsenic we were selecting toppings, she asked me, 'Is determination nutrient successful mushrooms?'"

—u/Imaginary_Sense_88

63. "She said playing hoops makes you taller. Her impervious was each the gangly radical playing basketball."

—u/rarawieisdit

64. "When we were archetypal married, my ex wanted to navigator meal by himself truthful I gave him an casual look to travel and made definite helium had each of the ingredients. He had maine travel look astatine it due to the fact that helium said it looked excessively dry. For 1 of the ingredients, he’d work 'two and a fractional cups' arsenic 'two fractional cups.'"

—jasminer4c6e42f7c

66. "She asked maine if I could sanction each 52 US states."

—u/Mcshiggs

67. "My husband’s ex erstwhile said that Cinco de Mayo was connected the 5th this year."

—happyduck265

68. "When I was recently engaged, I introduced my then-fiancé to my mother. Well, of course, the taxable of his household came up, and helium revealed helium was Puerto Rican. With a consecutive face, my ma asked him, 'What portion of Mexico is that?'"

—certified_drapetomaniac

69. "I dated a feline who thought if helium jumped from an airplane without a parachute, helium would survive. He said helium knew however to onshore connected his feet. He was dormant serious."

—furryshield932

70. "My hubby and I rented a convertible portion connected abrogation successful Hawaii. He was successful a hurry, but I told him we had to hold a small portion due to the fact that I had to enactment sunscreen connected the kids. He said not to fuss due to the fact that erstwhile successful the car, we would beryllium moving."

—dizzyogre15

71. "My hubby pronounces the S successful Illinois."

72. "My 49-year-old hubby has complained aggregate times astir symptom helium was having successful his 'rotary cup.' He’s fundamentally a borderline bodybuilder, helium should cognize it’s really a 'rotator cuff.'"

—kimpoulos

73. And finally, "My hubby had a pupil erstwhile who told him she couldn’t travel to people due to the fact that she had fixed blood, and it conscionable wasn’t moving retired for her, truthful she was going to spell and get it back."

—fabjester383

Submissions person been edited for magnitude and/or clarity. 

What's the dumbest happening you've ever heard your spouse say? Tell america successful the comments oregon usage the anonymous signifier below.