1 hour ago
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1. "My ma worked astatine a large infirmary and heard the communicative of a feline who called the exigency enactment saying that he'd accidentally stabbed himself successful the torso with a weapon portion cutting something. Their archetypal portion of proposal was to not region the knife, to which helium replied, 'What bash I bash if I DID region it?' and they gave him instructions. When the ambulance arrived, they recovered the antheral with the weapon successful his torso...yep, helium enactment it backmost in."
2. "When I worked arsenic a aesculapian adjunct successful an OB-GYN clinic, a diligent called to marque an assignment due to the fact that she 'needed a fallopian tube.' I was truthful confused, I asked her if she meant that she wanted to get her tubes tied. 'No,' she said, 'I'm trying to get pregnant, truthful I request to get a fallopian tube.' Definitely booked a sojourn for gestation readying acquisition session."
3. "ICU doc. I person had patients' families with monolithic strokes legitimately inquire if they could person a encephalon transplant."
4. "I was moonlighting successful an ER astatine a large Army base. The corpsman woke maine astir 3 a.m. for a patient. I knew from the captious signs that this small 3-month-old babe was not sick, truthful I asked his parent what the occupation was. Quote: 'He's laughing inappropriately.' I had to inquire adjacent though I knew the answer: 'Is this your archetypal child?'"
—Anonymous
5. "Radiology told maine astir handing orangish earplugs to a diligent for an MRI, and helium popped them successful his rima and swallowed them."
6. "A diligent had to beryllium prescribed immoderate pills earlier his oculus surgery. He returned 5 minutes aft his consultation, ace concerned, arsenic helium didn't cognize however helium was going to get the pills into his eyes. Our caregiver suggested that helium effort swallowing them."
7. "My sister is simply a caregiver successful a children's hospital. She had a 15-year-old diligent that had enactment those small magnetic beads wrong his penis. He had thing similar 85 of them jammed successful there, truthful overmuch truthful that helium had pushed them into his bladder, and they had gotten looped astir successful determination and required surgery. He didn't recognize (for immoderate reason) that his bladder was attached to his urethra and 'just wanted to spot what it'd consciousness like.' She besides had different young diligent who got a fidget spinner stuck connected his penis."
8. "I enactment successful an ER. I had a diligent travel successful due to the fact that determination was a cockroach crawling connected her ear. I assumed she was disquieted it had crawled inside, which we often see. Turns retired she pushed it disconnected her receptor and saw it connected the floor, truthful she knew it wasn’t inside. So she fundamentally came to the ER due to the fact that a bug was crawling connected her."
—Anonymous, 40 Female, Midwest
9. "I'm a carnal therapist and had a 60-something-year-old diligent with a past of bilateral genu replacements 10+ years agone who said she whitethorn not beryllium capable to travel to PT consistently since it was winter. I asked why, and she said she was told she couldn't spell retired successful acold upwind due to the fact that her genu replacements would frost and she would person to spell to the ER to person them thawed out. I told her that's not a thing, and she was doubtful. I anticipation determination are immoderate thawing stations astatine the section hospital, 'just successful case.'"
—Anonymous, 45, female, Pennsylvania
10. "Nurse here. We had a diligent who'd had a terrible stroke, resulting successful nary encephalon activity. We went to the waiting country to pass his alternatively ample household of his condition, and to sermon the anticipation of organ donation. They huddled unneurotic for a fewer minutes, and past his lad came guardant and, successful a precise superior and solemn voice, told america that helium was volunteering to donate his brain. You can't marque this crap up."
—Anonymous, 69 female, Irvine CA
11. "Former paramedic and existent aesculapian student. My champion 1 from my clip successful the tract has to beryllium my diligent with arthritis who thought they could instrumentality their dog's arthritis meds due to the fact that 'they're the aforesaid pill.' To their credit, they were connected the aforesaid medication. However, the dose for an eight-pound canine is vastly smaller than the dose for a 200-pound human. It was an absorbing speech to explicate that they conscionable weren't taking enough, and to person them that they truly can't conscionable instrumentality much of the dog's pills. To boot, the quality mentation of their medicine is really cheaper due to the fact that it's covered by insurance. People amaze maine sometimes."
—Anonymous, Male, 26, North Carolina
12. "I'm a physician's assistant. In school, a feline came successful with his precise large wife, asking for a vasectomy. Okay, cool, let's chat! First question helium fires astatine me: 'Can I support them erstwhile you've finished the surgery?' Dude thought helium was getting his balls virtually chopped off. After explaining the process to him and however the doc tin bash it successful an office, helium was SO relieved."
13. "During COVID, I was a pupil and past a resident. I had a diligent travel successful for shortness of breath, saying it wasn't COVID. He tested affirmative for COVID; erstwhile I told him, helium stated, 'Well, I don't judge successful COVID.' Like, sir, COVID believes successful you, truthful it doesn't truly matter."
"Another diligent besides had shortness of enactment and COVID, and believed it was due to the fact that of boron deficiency. So she started taking ivermectin from the cattle and provender store, nebulizing hydrogen peroxide (yes, the worldly you usage to bleach hair), and eating borax. That's right, folks. Instead of getting a vaccine, she conscionable ate laundry detergent instead, due to the fact that 'There's not capable research.' You wanna conjecture however overmuch probe determination is connected eating laundry detergent and breathing successful hairsbreadth bleach?"
—Anonymous
14. "I'm a physician's assistant, and I enactment successful vascular surgery. A diligent with arterial illness successful his legs complains that helium has terrible symptom successful his legs erstwhile helium walks. He smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a day. At his erstwhile visit, helium had been prescribed aspirin, a cholesterin medication, and a medicine to assistance amended symptoms, and helium was advised to discontinue smoking. Three months later, helium was inactive smoking 2 packs regular and not taking immoderate of the medications. His symptom is worse. When asked wherefore helium didn't instrumentality the medication, helium responded, 'I don't similar putting chemicals successful my body.' 🤦🏻♀️"
—Anonymous, 57, F, NY
15. "An older pistillate came to the Emergency Department complaining: 'I got the greenish vines successful my virginny.' The diligent reports a two-week past of a vine increasing from her vagina. On carnal examination, it was discovered that she does so person a vine increasing retired of her vagina, astir six inches successful length."
"A pelvic exam revealed a wide which is easy removed from the vaginal vault, vine inactive attached. Upon extraction, the diligent reports that her uterus had been falling retired and that she 'put a murphy successful determination to clasp it up' and subsequently forgot astir it."
16. "Nurse here. The doc was doing a bosom exam connected an older patient, and she said thing astir her nipple not being there. The doc and I glimpse astatine each other, and helium tells her it's inactive there. Then helium virtually lifts and bends her bosom up to amusement her. Her comment: 'Lord, I haven't seen that happening successful years.' I had to permission the country earlier I burst retired laughing."
"Same diligent needed a changeable of B12, which is done successful the bum, truthful I told her to conscionable hike her formal and driblet her underbritches a bit. Imagine my astonishment erstwhile she hikes her formal and tells maine she doesn't deterioration underwear. And she didn't!"
17. "I was moving astatine a session a fewer years ago. We prescribed a feline Flonase (nasal spray chiefly for allergies), and helium asked, 'Will this nasal spray springiness maine anxiousness similar the past 1 I had?' I told him it shouldn't and said I'd cheque his illustration to spot what helium had before. While I was trying to find it, helium said, 'I conscionable threw it distant successful the trash retired front, bash you privation maine to spell drawback it?' I couldn't find immoderate grounds of this dude ever having different nasal spray, truthful helium insists connected grabbing it from the trash. He came backmost a fewer minutes aboriginal with an albuterol inhaler. I was perplexed."
"'Can you archer maine however you usage that? You don't request to really amusement me, since that came from the trash.'
The dude tried his darndest to shove the opening (meant for your MOUTH) into his nostril, gives it a squirt, and snorts.
So yeah...we talked astir the quality betwixt a nasal spray and an inhaler...I anticipation helium learned."
18. "I utilized to beryllium a receptionist astatine a household practice. We had a diligent telephone regarding her yeast infection. She was fixed suppositories for her problem. She told maine she took each 3 and inactive had the infection. I said, 'Took? Like, you swallowed them?' Yep, that's what she did. I fto the doc grip that one."
19. "I had a feline who came into the ER who had astir severed 1 of his fingers portion chopping wood drunk. Everyone has a atrocious day, right? Only this feline was already down to 2 fingers from erstwhile wood-cutting adventures."
20. "This diligent had terrible seizures and went to the neurologist for treatment. The diligent was discharged 3 weeks aboriginal with a revised medicine plan. Fast-forward a fewer months. Patient came successful with adjacent much terrible seizures. Upon questioning, we recovered retired that the woman stopped giving the diligent the meds due to the fact that 'he was getting amended and didn't person seizures anymore.' Arrghh."
21. "I'm not a doctor, but I was applying exigency aesculapian attraction to a teen who fell down a elevation portion hiking. He was panicking origin helium couldn't consciousness his legs. But helium was kicking and thrashing his legs the full time. So I had to inquire him if he's ever felt his legs. Turns retired no. He's ne'er noticed until now. He made a afloat recovery."
22. "Had a diligent contiguous astatine the ER with 'blue fingers.' She thought she was having immoderate benignant of bosom attack. She had caller jeans, and the colour stained her hands. Genius."
23. "Paramedic here. We got called retired for a imaginable OD, and what we recovered erstwhile we got determination was an astonishing effort for the Darwin Award. The woman was melting down pills and injecting them into her outer jugular vein. Her thought process astir apt went thing similar this: 'Well, you necktie a tourniquet erstwhile you sprout up successful your arms. Why wouldn’t you bash it for the neck?' So she had a tourniquet tied astir her cervix erstwhile we got there. The radical she was with didn't deliberation to region it. She hadn't ODed. Just passed retired from deficiency of oxygen."
"She came astir precocious arsenic hellhole portion we were inactive connected country and had a bully small chat connected the mode to the hospital. I don’t deliberation determination were immoderate lasting effects. She was an amazingly fortunate dummy."
24. "I'm not a doctor, but my grandma told this communicative that I thought was good. She was having her archetypal kid and went to the doc erstwhile each 2 weeks. There were a fewer different radical she'd spot often who'd spell connected astir the aforesaid clip arsenic her. One week, her doc asked her to bring a urine sample. My grandma brought a tiny illustration successful a vessel and wrapped it successful plastic. Another pistillate had besides been asked to bring a sample; she brought 7 ample Tupperware containers filled with her piss, each wrapped up successful bags that some her and her hubby carried over, with seemingly respective much afloat solid jars astatine her feet. She saved each her pee for 2 weeks, not knowing what the doc asked."
25. "I've seen patients amusement however spoiled they are erstwhile they privation food. Some person really said that they privation the caput cook successful the cafeteria to marque nutrient that isn't usually disposable to patients. First off, this isn't a five-star resort. Second, what caput chef?"
26. "I thought this lone happened successful TV shows, but 1 of my sister's friends is simply a doc and told america astir a teenage miss that came to the ER with abdominal pain. Yes, this is going wherever you deliberation it's going. When asked, she swore up and down that she couldn't perchance beryllium pregnant. They ran the accustomed tests, and, wouldn't you cognize it, the miss was pregnant. She could not judge it, full denial, but she did not contradict having enactment with her boyfriend, truthful the doc (my sister's friend) asked her what commencement power they used. Apples. She ate an pome aft having enactment with him."
27. "I worked astatine an urgent attraction for immoderate time. A late-teen diligent (F) came successful with her parent for abdominal pain. I person a pupil doing the archetypal past and exam. Swears determination is nary accidental of pregnancy. but is sexually progressive with S.O. But swears nary penetrative sex. Well, we got the urine results back. She's pregnant. The pupil goes backmost in, asks the parent to measurement out, and has to person the astir awkward speech with this patient, detailing what enactment was. Well. It turns retired she was so not having penetrative enactment with a penis. The blessed mates would fool astir and past usage the male's sperm arsenic lube for her to get fingered. They thought that to get pregnant, the penis had to autumn disconnected and go the caller baby..."
28. "This wasn't a patient, but their household members. I was a caregiver successful the ICU and had a household travel successful during visitation to spot their loved one, carrying 1 of those integrative containers from a market store bakery with fractional a twelve cupcakes inside. They told maine it was the patient's birthday, and that's wherefore they had the cupcakes with them. I thought that was truly sweet; they were going to observe her day with her, adjacent though she was successful the ICU. Then, they handed maine the instrumentality and looked astatine maine expectantly. I looked back, unsure of what my adjacent determination was expected to be. 'Aren't you going to provender them to her?' This pistillate was connected a ventilator and connected IV sedation."
"It took maine an embarrassingly agelong clip to explicate to these radical wherefore she couldn't devour portion she was unconscious with a breathing conduit in. Nice folks, not terribly bright."
29. "I'm a PhD objective psychologist, truthful not a physician. Patient came successful for an exigency assignment (usually these are folks who are suicidal, precocious assaulted, manic, oregon successful psychosis). He filled retired ALL our paperwork (so galore questions astir intelligence wellness history) and sat successful our waiting room. I can't overstate however intelligibly this is simply a intelligence services clinic. Finally, helium gets backmost to my room, sits down, and pulls up his sound leg. Starts taking disconnected his shoe. My antheral had ankle pain."
"Me: 'I'm truly atrocious you person been waiting for truthful long, but unless you privation to speech astir however your ankle symptom is making you feel, determination isn't thing I tin do.'
It took a small convincing that I wasn't holding retired connected him. No, I wouldn't conscionable 'take a speedy look astatine it.' He was baffled and kept saying, 'But you're a doctor!' I'm not convinced I successfully explained the quality betwixt a scientist and a physician. I don't adjacent deliberation helium was drug-seeking. He was freshly 18 and not the brightest bulb. He yet limped disconnected to the nearest urgent care. Poor kid. Hope he's good retired there!"
30. "I discharged a Russian diligent aft helium had been hospitalized for alcohol-induced liver damage. As I was getting him retired the door, I impressed upon him the value of avoiding alcohol, and helium asked me, sincerely, if vodka was considered alcohol."
31. "Ophthalmologist here. The patient's oculus wasn't getting better, truthful I asked if helium was utilizing his drops successful the close eye. He wasn't. He argued that his close oculus is truly his near oculus due to the fact that helium throws a shot with his near hand. I argued close vs near with him for a bully 5 minutes earlier I gave up. He won the argument."
"I've had 2 patients who look astatine the sun. They some said it's similar stargazing due to the fact that the prima is technically a star."
32. "Labor and transportation caregiver here, and determination are conscionable excessively galore stories. One diligent came successful wholly successful labour and pushing. She didn't cognize she was pregnant, and she said she couldn't beryllium large due to the fact that 'he didn't travel wrong her.' She thought that she was having heartburn/intestinal issues. Hmm...no, that's a baby! What makes it an adjacent weirder communicative is that this was her 3rd baby. She ought to cognize better."
"I've besides seen SO galore women who deliberation that their h2o broke, but erstwhile they are successful triage, it is wide that they astir apt conscionable peed."
33. "When I was a student, I had a young feline travel into the ER with psych complaints. He was disquieted astir his thoughts. He said that helium has these out-of-body experiences, helium feels similar helium can't power his caput oregon body, and helium conscionable feels odd. I discussed with my attending, and we were astir to consult psychiatry. We went to interrogation the diligent unneurotic and sermon things further. It turns retired that helium gets these symptoms astir 3 times per day, which subsequently happens aft helium smokes weed. So helium was conscionable getting high."
34. "A young mates comes successful saying they person tried conceiving for astir a year, but she’s inactive not pregnant. I commencement by taking her diligent history. Turns retired she's been connected the pill for years owed to play pain."
35. "A pistillate had precocious been diagnosed with diabetes and needed to springiness herself injections. The doc demonstrated however to bash the injection by utilizing an orangish and injecting the needle into it. Turns retired the women had been injecting oranges with insulin and eating it."
36. "In aesculapian school, a diligent came successful for abdominal pain. During my bid of questions, I asked if the diligent could beryllium pregnant, and she said nary due to the fact that she is simply a lesbian. The attending had america bid a gestation trial successful summation to humor enactment anyway. The gestation trial comes backmost positive. This time, I asked the diligent if she had had enactment with a man. She responded yes, but was confused arsenic to however she could beryllium large if she's a lesbian. My attending replied, 'Honey, the sperm don't attraction if you're a lesbian.' It blew my caput that she didn’t deliberation she could get large simply due to the fact that she identified arsenic being a lesbian."
37. "One time successful the pharmacy, a miss comes to the antagonistic requesting a refill for her commencement control. We pulled up her illustration and realized we couldn't refill it due to the fact that she conscionable got a 28-day capable little than 2 weeks ago. When we asked what happened to the different one, she said she was out. Apparently, some she and her fellow were each taking a pill and were adamant that was however they needed to forestall pregnancy."
38. "A young miss came into urgent attraction connected Christmas Day with a swollen face, evidently allergic. She stated she was allergic to peanuts, but swore up and down she didn't devour them. Her household was determination with her, and confirmed she didn't. We were trying to find retired what happened successful the adjacent country implicit erstwhile I overheard her accidental that she liked the homemade satay sauce...which has peanuts arsenic the main ingredient. Mind you — it was homemade. SHE made it. Yeah, that 1 was dumb."
39. "I was a med pupil astatine the time. An IV cause idiosyncratic couldn't find immoderate much veins. Looked down and saw the dorsal vein of the penis. Tried to inject there. Missed and got it into the shaft. It got precise infected and swollen, and developed cellulitis. He tried to drain what helium thought was an abscess (it wasn't, it was conscionable cellulitis) himself…with a steak knife. Now it was extended penile cellulitis with 2 stab wounds successful it. It was the angriest-looking penis I've ever seen."
40. "I enactment astatine an ear, nose, and pharynx clinic. A truly tense and frightened middle-aged antheral came in. He was a college-educated white-collar worker. He was determination due to the fact that 'When I unfastened my rima and respire successful the h2o during showers, I commencement coughing a lot.' 'When you respire successful water, you cough?' 'Yeah, I don't get it.' 'Drowning. That's called drowning. And it's normal.'"
41. "A diligent with a bosom onslaught walked astir 3 miles from location into the ER with thorax symptom and shortness of breath. He didn't telephone an ambulance due to the fact that helium heard that workout is bully for the bosom and hoped that it would spell distant portion walking here."
42. "My person told maine this story. This large young woman and her babe daddy came successful 1 nighttime due to the fact that the miss was bloated and successful a batch of pain. He felt her stomach, and it was arsenic hard arsenic a rock, truthful helium asked her erstwhile the past clip she went to the bath was. She told him, 'I haven't gone since I recovered retired I was pregnant. I didn't privation to poop the babe out.' Turns retired she had been taking medicine to halt you from going to the bath for weeks... It's shocking to maine that determination are astatine slightest 2 radical successful the satellite that judge you crap retired babies."
43. "I cognize idiosyncratic who went to the exigency section due to the fact that of each these acheronian marks each implicit her body, particularly her hands. Turns retired it was her fake tan going patchy."
44. "I utilized to enactment successful an ER. A 30-something-year-old pistillate came successful astir midnight, complaining of abdominal pain. The doc asked her a ton of questions, and she yet admitted that she'd eaten fractional a vessel of gummy vitamins. He asked her why, and she said she woke up and wanted thing saccharine and couldn't find immoderate different desserts. Best part? She brought the vessel of vitamins with her to amusement the unit and continued to snack connected them portion successful the ER until the caregiver confiscated them. Poison power (have to telephone them per protocol) virtually didn't judge the communicative was for an big patient."
45. "We had a diligent travel successful with a raging lawsuit of gonorrhea. Sent him location with curative attraction and acquisition connected erstwhile helium tin safely person enactment again, etc. I was moving the table that night, and helium called up determination SCREAMING successful pain. He wanted to person enactment with his miss due to the fact that 'he conscionable couldn't resist' truthful helium decided to determination a vessel of Everclear connected his penis and anus anterior to intercourse to 'kill the germs.' We ended up dispatching an ambulance to him. He chemically burned done his urethra and ended up having a urethroplasty."
46. "Not a doc but an embryologist. Had a antheral travel successful to bash a semen investigation earlier starting IVF with his wife. Put him successful the postulation country with instructions similar normal. He rang, and erstwhile I went to drawback his sample, I saw that helium had straight-up pooped successful the cup. Turns retired the mates had perfectly nary thought however to marque a baby, and that's wherefore they were having fertility issues."
47. And finally... "A large teen that demanded I prescribe her what she called 'natural, integrated babe vanishers' to terminate her pregnancy."
Do you enactment successful healthcare? What's the dumbest behavior, comment, question, oregon wounded you witnessed from a patient? Let america cognize successful the comments beneath oregon via this anonymous form.
Submissions person been edited for length/clarity.
English (US) ·