11 Absolutely Ridiculous Vintage Inventions That Will Make You Wonder If Everybody Was Drunk Back Then

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In the 1920s, Emma Read invented the “Baby Cage,” a ligament container designed for parents to bent retired of their flat windows truthful their infants could get immoderate “fresh air.” The cage functioned similar a tiny outdoor playpen: metropolis babies could sit, crawl, oregon prevarication down extracurricular the building, suspended respective stories supra the sidewalk. And the worldly keeping your kid from plummeting implicit 40 feet below? Oh, thing fancy — conscionable bully old-fashioned chickenhearted wire.

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Gary Dahl truly sat down 1 time successful the 1970s, thought astir however overmuch effort existent animals require, and said, “What if…hear maine out…we each conscionable had pet rocks?” No feeding, nary walking, nary vet bills — conscionable a creaseless small chromatic packaged successful a cardboard “pet carrier,” implicit with aerial holes and an acquisition manual arsenic if the happening mightiness abruptly make needs. You're astir apt thinking, “Who TF would adjacent bargain this product?” but joke’s connected us: radical loved it truthful overmuch that Dahl became a millionaire successful nether a year. There was adjacent a state opus astir owning a favored rock. Yes, really.

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In the aboriginal 1900s, inventor Andrew Jackson Jr. glanced astatine a flock of warring chickens and decided the champion solution was to springiness them glasses. These tiny spectacles were invented to halt chickens from pecking astatine each other’s eyes, particularly successful crowded coops wherever things could get…violent, to accidental the least. The eyewear had straps oregon pins to support them on, and aboriginal versions adjacent had red-tinted lenses truthful immoderate humor wouldn’t look like, well, humor — supposedly reducing the impulse to attack. So yes, farmers were virtually outfitting their birds with glasses successful hopes of reducing barnyard unit backmost successful 1903. 

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In the 1930s, Dr. J. A. Purves proudly presented his thought for the aboriginal of transportation: the "Dynasphere," a giant, petrol-powered monowheel designed for passengers to beryllium wrong portion it rolled down the road. It could scope up to 48 km/h, which sounds beauteous chill until you recognize it was astir 3 meters tall, intolerable to steer, and came with a charming small contented known arsenic “gerbilling,” wherever braking oregon accelerating excessively hard would beauteous overmuch nonstop the operator tumbling astir wrong the instrumentality similar a escaped sock successful a dryer. Yeah...Shockingly, this decease trap ne'er managed to regenerate cars.

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Introduced to the Japanese marketplace successful 1963, the "Cat-Mew Machine" was precisely what its sanction suggests: a instrumentality built to imitate the dependable of cats. Powered by a tiny centrifugal and speaker, the container fto retired a fake "meow" each six seconds, each successful the hopes of scaring distant adjacent rodents. Shockingly, mice were not impressed, and it didn't instrumentality agelong for this cute small instrumentality to beryllium deemed utterly, unbelievably pointless. But connected the upside, astatine slightest this feline couldn't shred your sofa to pieces oregon driblet dormant birds connected your pillow. A triumph is simply a win?

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Invented by British potter Harvey Adams successful the 1870s, the "Moustache Guard" was a semicircular ledge built into drinking cups, designed to support a gentleman's moustache adust and cleanable portion sipping blistery drinks similar beverage oregon soup. For decades to come, manufacturers would spell connected to make their ain versions of the product, but the hype yet subsided astir 1920, and the instrumentality yet fell retired of usage altogether by the precocious 20th century.

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Back successful the 18th and 19th centuries, radical were terrified of being buried live — and honestly, with each the alleged "medical accuracy" backmost then, we can't truly blasted them. To forestall this issue, inventors came up with “Safety Coffins,” which included everything from bells and flags to aerial tubes and windows, each designed truthful the “deceased” could awesome if they weren’t…you know, really deceased. Some models adjacent had spring-loaded mechanisms that popped the casket unfastened oregon allowed aerial to participate if the assemblage moved. The problem? Decomposition and random assemblage shifts often triggered mendacious alarms, and the mechanisms would besides thin to break, rust, oregon simply neglect to function. Once modern embalming became standard, the hazard of being buried live fundamentally disappeared, but hey, astatine slightest present we cognize wherever the operation "saved by the bell" truly came from.

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Back successful the 19th century, English comedian Eric Sykes built the “Group Shaving Machine,” a contraption that progressive customers lining up broadside by broadside portion a mechanical limb moved and worked crossed each their faces, supposedly delivering identical, businesslike shaves. In reality, the instrumentality couldn’t set to antithetic look shapes, truthful unless each antheral had the nonstop aforesaid jawline, the results were damn adjacent unpredictable. Moral of the story? Perhaps immoderate things are amended near to an existent barber.

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If you really wanted to beryllium successful sync with your dancing partner, the "Siamese Shoes" were guaranteed to beryllium the reply to your prayers. Created by Philip Garner successful 1981, these bizarre two-person shoes were joined unneurotic astatine the toes, with 2 soles extending retired connected some sides, allowing each spouse to gaffe a ft inside. In theory, they were meant to assistance couples determination arsenic a unit, but successful reality, they chiefly caused tripping, wobbling, and a full batch of contiguous regret. 

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In the 1950s, American inventor Russell E. Oakes acceptable retired to lick a precise important — and precise embarrassing — problem: dragging your sleeve consecutive done the food portion reaching crossed the table. His solution was to make the "Butter Sleeve Protector," a small cage-like screen that sat implicit the food to support diner apparel clean. It resembled a tiny metallic spider guarding a instrumentality of butter, and arsenic you mightiness expect, it ne'er became a household essential. Today, radical conscionable usage covered food dishes…or simply inquire idiosyncratic to walk the food similar a mean quality being.

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In 1982, inventor Lucy L. Barmby patented 1 of the astir unintentionally terrifying fare devices ever created: an "Anti-Eating Face Mask." The metallic contraption locked implicit the wearer’s rima with a tiny padlock, allowing them to respire and speech but not sneak a wound of nutrient — a solution aimed astatine chefs, cooks, and anyone “tempted” to nibble portion preparing meals. It looked similar thing consecutive retired of a low-budget Hannibal Lecter prequel, and arsenic it turns out, the wide nationalist opted to take willpower implicit wearing a literal cage implicit their face.